I haven't even begun the program yet but it's obvious that my impending penis growth is making waves throughout the Internet. Another one of my new friends sent me an email with a subject head "I want to sleep with you right now." I say, "Come on over. How come I didn't get emails like this when I was single?"

When I opened the email it told me how horny she was for me and wanted sex right now. However to reach her I have to click on a link which takes me to a website that says I have to pay $2.99. That little for a new friend who wants to have sex right away, that's a bargain compared to dinner and a movie. Better yet, she says so I don't have to wait I can pay with my credit card. She also says I can trust her to bill my credit card properly. I see no reason to doubt her other than I have no idea who she is and never met her before.

Once again my old friends say I'm being taken advantage of but I've known them for years and haven't gotten sex from any of them.

So with my big penis and sex all day, what else does a guy need? Money! And my new friends are willing to supply that, also.

One sent me an email with a subject "I want to pay of your mortgage." I reply, "Thank you, even though I don't have a mortgage. How about you just send me the cash you would have given me to pay off my mortgage?" I never received a response from this new friend but that's because he's probably busy working since it must be expensive paying off peoples' mortgages.

My new friends' generosity doesn't stop there. They also send me lots of emails to make big money in my spare time. This is great because my time will be limited with all the sex I will be having. They tell me that to get these new big paying jobs that I have to send them money first. I never had a job before where I had to send them money but I guess with the economy slowing down this is what people are doing. Besides they tell me the money I send them will seem like nothing once the big money starts rolling in.

Once I send them this money all I have to do is get some other people to join. Of course myself being no dummy, I immediately ask them if this is some sort of pyramid scheme. They assure me it's not a pyramid, just an uneven rectangle. This cures all my fears and I'm ready to work. Then I realize the problem that the only people I know are my old friends and what have they ever done for me? Once again my old friends are holding me back from making money.

But then one of my new friends comes through again. He sends me an email that says I am the winner of a million dollars! Wow! I didn't even know I entered the contest. I figured these people who sent me the email are so honest because, even though I won, they could have given it to someone else without me knowing. They didn't say what the contest was and for all I know it could have been for biggest penis - but who really cares. Once they told me I got a million coming my way I don't need to know the details.

Now of course there will be a verification process for me to get this million but that's understandable. I also will have to send them money for this process but if I was willing to pay for work I'm definitely willing to pay for a million. I figured I could pay anything up to nine hundred ninety nine thousand and I'm still ahead of the game. I then thought how much of that money I'm going to have after taxes. But as soon as I start to think that way I get an email from a new friend promising to show me how to pay zero taxes this year. Problem solved!

Before I begin the verification process I sign off because I don't feel right taking advantage of my new friends' generosity any longer. I'm going to sign back on and collect my money. I just want to call my old friends to tell them I won't need their friendship services anymore.

After all, these new friends have done more for me in a week then my old friends have in my whole life.

Some of my old friends can't believe I am ending things so abruptly. They say things like we go way back to when we showered in gym together. I tell them, "You were a broke, small penis loser then and you're the same now. I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things."

I then try to sign in to begin the verification process to collect my money but I cannot sign online. I was then told that I have to contact AOL to discuss my account. When I call AOL I am told that my account has been cancelled because I have been sending unsolicited commercial emails to other AOL members through this account. I tell them this is totally untrue because the only emails I received under this screename were for my penis and making money and I wanted to keep the good news to myself. They then tell me that someone stole the password from this account and must have been using it. I told them this could not be true because only my new friends knew of this account and they would never do that. AOL insists it was done and all the passwords must be changed on my account and that I shouldn't be using that screename.

Just my luck. When I was ready to collect the millions dollars I can't use the screename. Even worse is my new friends won't know where to contact me anymore.

So I have to go back to my old screename and my old broke friends with their small penises. While I didn't get my money, at least it's good to know how many people out there on the Internet are willing to help you.

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