BLOWS AGAINST THE EMPIRE
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So by now you must be wondering where this House of Laughs is located. Don't rush there since it's a very exclusive club where very few are able to attend. No, it's not the Friars Club where the jokes are older than the members. At this club exclusivity is based on whether you own a piece of land and if that piece of land happens to be called a country. Alright, now that I got your attention, I'll tell you the name of this comedy club.
The United Nations!
Yes, with your Master of Ceremonies Koffi Annan. You may think if it as the place where all countries come to discuss the world's problems. I think of it as the place for the funniest jokes in New York. Here's one of them.
Is this thing on?
Setup: Who is going to head the United Nations Human Rights Commission?
Punch line: Libya. (Big Round of Laughs)
Follow up line: Was Iraq too busy with the war to head the commission? (More laughs)
You may remember Libya as the North African country ruled by Muammar Gaddafi - otherwise known to Americans as "Ga-Daffi Duck."
This is the country that is still not fully free of U.N. sanctions imposed for its role in the Lockerbie airliner bombing. Actually the U.N. says they were punished for their "Alleged" role in the bombing. As you know, "Alleged" means "We know they did it but we don't want to say they really did it." I guess they didn't want to hurt their feelings. With jokes like that it's no wonder they have a packed house every night.
Hajjaji dismissed the U.S. move as "politically motivated," but she said that it would not prevent her from cooperating with all Commission members in carrying out her duties. Her first duty will be of course to assassinate all members who did not vote for her. Just kidding! Some Libyan Human Rights humor for you.
I also misled you before because while the United Nation is headquartered in New York, the vote for this panel was taken in Geneva, Switzerland. But with humor like this it's no wonder the United Nations Comedy Club is setting up franchises all over the world.
In defense of voting for al-Hajjaji, diplomats from the countries who supported her have claimed that she held the position of vice-chair two years ago unopposed.
That was Vice Chair! Do you think the American public would have allowed Dan Quayle to be Vice-President if they ever thought he would become President? (I used that one because Dan Quayle Jokes are like blue jeans, they never go out of style.)
You may also say it's a democratic vote and these countries are free to elect whoever they want. But even in a democracy there are rules for who can be elected. For President you must be thirty-five years old and a citizen of the United States. I say to head the Human Rights Commission all we need is one simple rule like "You have to be from a country that has Human Rights!" This is not to say Libya does not have Human Rights. They have "Human Right" arms and "Human Right" legs all over the place due to their terrorist activities.
Libya, where Gaddafi has governed since a 1969 coup, has had numerous reports of torture, prolonged detention and extrajudicial killings. And that's just to the members of his family. This is not to mention the terrorism committed by that country ending in the 1988 airliner bombing in which 270 people died. One agent was subsequently convicted and jailed. Gaddafi only agreed to hand over these agents with the provision that they could not come after him once the trial was over.
The U.N. electing Libya is reminiscent of F.D.R. appointing Joseph Kennedy to head the S.E.C. in 1934. The appointment drew strong criticism from those who felt that Joe Kennedy symbolized everything the SEC had been set up to eradicate. Roosevelt stood firm saying, "took a thief to catch a thief."
Maybe the panel members had the same the thinking, that it takes a terrorist human rights violator to condemn a terrorist human rights violator.
I can only imagine how these Human Rights hearings will go from now on.
For instance, if Najat al-Hajjaji had former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosovic on the stand and asked the question, "Where did you learn to violate human rights so badly?" He would probably answer, "From your country."
After a brief pause Najat al-Hajjaji would say, "Yeah, we did come up with that, didn't we? And who says we don't invent anything in Libya."
But of course they will not have despots in front of this panel because when these countries get together they always want to condemn the United States.
The Commission will probably claim we are violating the Human Rights of terrorists. After all, terrorists have rights too. Who are we to not let them fly on airplanes?
There will probably be some terrorist appearing before the commission telling a sad story about how all his life he wanted to blow up a plane so that he can go to heaven and sleep with virgins. (Why is it that it's always some guy who can't get any women on earth thinks he'll get hot virgins in heaven?)
Of course the Commission will rule that the United States has violated this man's human rights and he should be allowed to board the plane with his twelve bags of carry-on luggage uninspected.
The next ruling by the commission is that these terrorists should be allowed to get their hands on nuclear weapons. After all, the United States has nuclear weapons. The terrorists should be allowed to have them, too.
I know this comedy club has to have you rolling in the aisles by now. But wait this is just the opening act.
Wait till you see their routine on Iraq. It just so happens that, in May, Iraq will assume the presidency of the U.N. Conference on Disarmament. You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.
NEW YORK, NY, USA - There's an ongoing argument in New York as to which is the best comedy club. There are many to chose from, such as The Comic Strip, Stand Up New York, and Caroline's. But recently I found there is one comedy club that blows them all away. This comedy club is so funny that people from all over the world come to see it. At this comedy club there is no two-drink minimum since their jokes are so funny they don't need you drunk to laugh. As a matter of fact this comedy club will give you special license plates to let you park anywhere you want in New York. And if you do get a ticket don't pay it, none of the other members do.
With all the focus around the U.N. resolution with Iraq (another joke in itself) not many people noticed when - by a vote of the 53-member panel - Najat al-Hajjaji from Libya received thirty-three votes to head the Human Rights Commission. There were seventeen abstentions and only three negative votes, which included the United States.
WEB SITE PICK OF THE WEEK: Ever thought about going to Venezuela? If so, this club, Cooling Coil, looks like a must-see stop! We like their site design a lot. Check it out when you're not here.
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