High school girls call each other "slut" for a variety of reasons: heavy or suggestive make-up, stealing someone's boyfriend, having multiple boyfriends simultaneously or in rapid succession, fucking a teacher and getting him fired, spreading STD's or just being pretty and inciting jealously. (Ah, jealousie, night and day you torture me -- No one could sing that like Katerina Valente.)

Jealousy sucks, jealousy is petty and jealousy is the reason that a lot of women are labeled sluts, rightly or wrongly.

Some sluts have hearts of gold, make a lot of people happy and do a lot of good aside from giving pleasure. Other sluts give all sluts a bad name. Like a lot of bad human beings, they take as much as they can, and give as little as possible. They promise and deceive; bait and swtich; and have malice and distrust of men and women. Unfortunately, those are the only ones you usually hear about.

Then there are women and men who view sex as a commodity. They usually find one another and strike up a deal. Sometimes they bring each other great misery; others find convenient and satisfying arrangements.

Men who view sex as a commodity (and that includes most men by my reckoning) are often lacking charm in their pursuit. Some are downright boorish and piggish. Most men at strip clubs are loud, obnoxious and rude to the women. They denigrate women as "sluts", but they want and need the sluts to take off their clothes, show off how pretty their bodies are and perform sexually enticing dances for them. That's why they're there with their money. (There, I used all three [forms of the word] in one sentence -- and my 8th grade English teacher said it couldn't be done!) But the[se same men] don't want their sisters or girlfriends doing it.

How many ways can you say, "passive-aggressive."?

In the olden days, Jews used to hang the bloody bed sheets out the window on the wedding night to proclaim the bride's virtue. I'm sure most brides viewed that as a mixed blessing. Talk about nosy. Jews had the original bedroom police. Falwell and his gang took off on it as a Judeo-Christian thing and made it briefly fashionable in the 20th Century. But that was a long time ago. Now, Bush Jr. and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales are working to make it fashionable again, in between their attacks on the Bill of Rights.

In most cases, if you call a man a slut, he considers it a compliment. The bigger the number, the bigger the slut.

Women, on the other hand, are offended, horrified, degraded, scandalized, branded and ostracized if they are called a slut. And some are wrongly accused.

But none of that matters to slut-hunters. In the '70's the Kinks had a great album called "Preservation Act 1." One of the songs was about a fictitious, fascist, right-wing ruler named Mr. Black. His opening lyrics were, "Down with sex and sin ... "

What Falwell, Mr. Black and the ayatollahs of all religions don't understand is that not all sex is sin and not all sin is sex.

Some of the worst and most judgmental slut-hunters are former sluts. How many times have you heard in the movies, "There's nothing more sanctimonious than a reformed hooker."? Ain't it the truth? It's easy to hate people who preach against having the same fun they had, particularly if they built their lives around it.

This goes for all those people who had all kinds of fun in the 60's and 70's, but don't want their kids to have the same experiences, and look down on their peers who still do. Fuck You! Don't call me to share my buds with you when you happen to get in one of those nostalgic moods. Maybe I'm holding, but I'm holding out on you.

From my experience, I've learned there are two kinds of sex; that which has a sense of spiritualism, and the other kind. Though I prefer the first kind, I can't deny that both can be gratifying in their own way. Woody Allen said, "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's the best."

So why all the fuss?

Religion has a lot to do with it. All religions have some things in common: sexism, paternalism and ayatollahs. Islam has the most famous ayatollahs, Christianity has the longest history of them, and Judaism has the most hypocritical. (I can say that!)

But I've got some modern day experience at this. I've been kicked out of places for winning arguments, and I've been kicked out of places for walking away and not dignifying someone with an argument. I've been ostracized from Jewish communities for arguing things that got Ehud Barak elected as Prime Minister of Israel for a while, and kicked out of a place for demonstrating a proficiency in yoga. Just like the men who thought of female mutilation, there are men who address their own inadequacies by attacking people who remind them of their inadequacies. These are painful experiences in the short run, but carry a great sense of honor in the long run.

If you have a good attitude and your mind is right, being called a slut is an honorable experience. Just remember, you have a lot of good company.