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BEFUDDLED - I am completely befuddled. I was complaining to the Lord about what an idiot this guy in the "10 Items or less," speed checkout line at the grocery store was. I asked him to fix that jerk. Suddenly -- zap! -- there was a clap of thunder and a bolt of lightning no more than three feet away from me. It was near the line, I'll grant you, but THREE YARDS away from that jerk.
I didn't think much of it at the time. But what happened a few days later changed all that.
This time, I was asking God to please shut up this blowhard I know who's always insisting how lucky you are to know him, how he knew about most things before everyone accept God and how he understands life better than anybody. I was wishing real hard that God would just, please, please, shut him up. Wango! A clap of thunder, a bolt of lightning, and THE GUY RIGHT NEXT TO ME is toast!
Nothing left of the poor fellow except smoking black carpet. Meanwhile, blowhard continued yammering on the other side of the table like nothing had happened!
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And you know what? That explains a lot of things.
For example, it explains why he keeps missing the dunderheads I ask him to hit with those thunderbolts. It explains why that jerk down the street got the new Porsche you've been praying for the last ten years. God meant to send it to you, he just missed again.
It explains why so many bad people seem to have the best luck, too. It wasn't meant for them, it was meant for you!
The more I thought about this theory of mine, the more sense it seemed to make. I mean, God's been around forever right? He's had to look all over the world, hither and yon, at everything we're doing. He's got a bigger job than Santa Claus of keeping track of whether we've been naughty or nice and what it is we want.
Is it any wonder he'd eventually be suffering from eye strain? I think not!
And, being the Almighty, it would not surprise me at all if he was so busy taking care of our little picayune requests, dispatching angels here and there, and generally keeping things from completely going to Hell that he doesn't have time to worry about Himself.
After thinking about this for about a week, one morning when I was talking to God, I suggested gently to him that he might be having a few near misses.
I want to publically apologize to my neighbor two houses down and his family for the destruction of their residence.
But my point was made.
God was real quiet for a moment after he saw that little dog of theirs whimpering and smouldering on their lawn, and those bratty kids mewling in their charred pyjamas. I could tell he was real broken up listening to the guy Baxter sobbing with his head in his hands, "Oh God, why? Why?"
But then that set me to thinking about something else: Maybe those other two thunderbolts had been meant for me, too....
RDR RECOMMENDED SITE OF THE DAY: What's going on half way around the world? Central Europe Review is a good place to find out.
