Think about it? How could this old ass dude been dead for thousands of years gonnah be able to sneak up on yo' ass without you knowing it UNLESS HE IS ONE BAD.... You know what I'm saying.

Okay, I know there is some silly shit in Horror movies, too.

Like how many times have you wanted to yell at the screen, "Naw, bitch! Don't open that door! You know he's waiting for you right behind it!!!" OR you see some Fool walk into a

• dark house
• dark cave
• freaky looking, no-leaf, scarey trees, dark woods alone

with no flashlight, torch, candle, nothing! --- and you thinking to yourself: "Hey, yo! You been watching the same monster movie I been watching? If you was the monster WHERE ELSE WOULD YOU BE?!?"

But, come on, ya'll, that's part of the FUN, ain't it? We are always smarter than the folks the screenwriters put in these movies as the Next Victim. We gottah be, or it wouldn't be any fun.

The only thang I didn't like about most of the "classic" horror movies was that here is Frankenstein, strong as Superman --- even if he was a little slow on the uptake --- Dracula, who could turn into wolves and bats and even like a mist flowing over the damned floor --- and they ALWAYS lost out to the dumbshits! That used to make no sense to me, even when I was a little kid.

I always wanted to see at least one or two movies where it was the "monster" that won, you understand what I'm sayin'?

That why, when folks like Ann Rice and some others came along, I was thinking: "Yeah! Now that's how it really happened."

I mean, you think Count Dracula, who been alive for hundreds of years and shit, is suddenly gonnah get stupid because he meets some frail named Lucy --- who he's just about finished off anyway --- 'cause she has an English accent and hangs around with some scientist named Van Helsing? Get real!

You know what, though, Horror movies ain't getting the props they used to. Like I noticed TNT ain't had no Joe-Bob's "MonsterVision" in a couplah months. Elvira just about disappeared, too. Local channels, when I was a kid, used to have they own like vampire/zombie/whatever hosts coming at you at least on a Saturday night: GONE. Even Wes Craven, who you used to be able to depend on for a real scarey movie, is now getting into the "hip and happenin'" clever shit and bringing in Courtney Cox from "Friends" and all that.

When I go to a scarey movie, I don't want to see hip, I want to see folks scared out of they wits and running in terror; peasants with torches who ain't gonnah take anymore and gonnah kill the monster at any cost; I want to see something that might give me nightmares, you know what I'm sayin'?

John Carpenter used to even be sortah good at that. But his "Vampires," with James Woods, played up too much of that "buddy movie" stuff and him crackin' wise. I wanted to see more of the vampires being scarey as Hell!

Maybe that's just me.... Maybe in the 21st century we done decided to NOT let the Boogie Man be more scarey than the real lives we be living.

But, you see, I be thinking about it like this:

What makes Horror movies so good is that they take --- maybe on some kindah subconscious level --- the scarey shit of bills, job problems, whatever, and makes them more manageable for us. I think there's a word for that. We come out of the Horror movie and thinks to ourselves, "Hell! I don't have to deal with no Freddie Krueger tonight, I just gottah wake up and figure how to deal with my asshole boss." Stuff like that.

Peace out.