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REPRINT (from March, 1998): DAT ASS! - There is something wonderful about the gluteus maximus which brothers have known about for years. And listen: the Romans would not have come up with such a grandiose name if they weren't in on the trip, too!
There's a tie-in to Blues singers in this article, too, my friends, so stay with me on this. I think that there's a whole language of double entendres being implanted in our subconscious minds by the purveyors of the Blues, which I'll have more to say about in an upcoming column. But this one is about dat ass!
I couldn't get behind this Guilty Pleasures theme we be doing here at the G21, at first. I felt boxed up by it. The closest I could come to anything that fit the concept was having to admit that I have always been an ass man. Those of you of a similar persuasion know where I am coming from . How many times have you walked an extra block just to bask in the glories and sinful pleasures of watching the exquisite, globular pulchritude of a well-formed set of cheeks straining within some tight jeans?
If you're like me, then the answer to that question is, invariably, "Too often."
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Come on, Ladies! How many of you have had Mel Gibson's buns as a topic of conversation since that first "Lethal Weapon" movie?
Not to mention --- well, okay, I am! --- that scene of all them Scots mooning the British in his "Braveheart" movie.... Not to mention --- dittto --- a certain popular coffee-table book I saw A LOT of women have during the '80s which they oggled all the time. Title and subject of this here aforementioned "photo essay?" Again, BUNS.
Us men ain't the only ones watchin' dat ass!
Which takes me back to them Blues people, for half a second. Listen: We all know that when John Lee Hooker sings about the jelly roll, he ain't talking about a pastry sold by the Cinnabun at the mall. And I don't think Etta James has any stock in the Sara Lee company, either. So why is it we hear about so much food from blues singers? I think you know where I'm coming from...
Let me get back to the triumphal glory, the subject of worship, which is a nice ass.
We have all heard the jokes about men focusing on a woman's chest area when they talk. Some do, I'm sure.
But my experience has been that our eyes do a lot more roving than we are being given credit for. (I won't go so far as to say men are much more sly than we are given credit to be. I will say this:
Back In the Day, it was a man, somewhere, who invented shades [sunglasses.] All men have a secret shrine to that genius in our homes, Ladies!) In my experience, every guy out there has a weakness, a festish-spot, which is the second place he homes in on after the eyes.
We've all heard about the men who watch feet, the breast men, the leg men. I know for a fact that there is a person writing for the G' who gets off on noses. That's right! Noses!
I'm here today to say that us ass men haven't gotten the props we deserve.
I hope to rectify that situation with this here article.
There's another person who is part of the G21 crew who is a notorious leg man. He gets almost giddy during the spring and summer. You can put this man in the downtown area of any major city in the world, Homes, at lunchtime? in the summer? he be going ape-shit as the women come streaming down from them office towers in their short skirts and summer dresses.
Well, for an ass man like myself, history produced a similar epiphanous moment.
The advent of the Feminist Movement produced a blossoming of women in pants. Pants! which expose, celebrate, caress and enhance the contours of the delectable derriere in ways few dresses or skirts can ever achieve!
Suddenly and gloriously, the world had become a Cinema Paradiso of butt.
The booty call was on for ass men everywhere. That fine sister up the way whose high-set and prominent back I had noticed luxuriantly from afar, now felt it *her obligation* to the Sisterhood and the independence and recognition of women everywhere to doff her loose-fitting, matronly skirt and wedge that scumptious bubble butt into a pair of form-fitting chinos. I was like to faint! this was too marvelous to be true! Something in the world was going MY WAY!
I think I can speak for every ass man out there when I say this, cause they all know what I'm talking about: VAVOSO!
This week's Poll: This Holiday Season I'm gonnah...?
RDR RECOMMENDED SITE OF THE DAY: Oh man! Fogie time. Our Publisher decided to link to a new Sade Quicktime Music Track. "By Your Side"
When's this page getting updated again?
