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Of course after a few initial denials that they ever used cocaine, Coke Cola would respond, "It is true that we used cocaine in the product but that was many years ago when the company was young and irresponsible, we've learned from the experience and we have a much better product today." Coca Cola would further add that Pepsi Cola used to have Michael Jackson in their commercials. So when you buy a Pepsi, just remember, you're supporting Pedophilia.
Can you figure out which soda tastes better from those advertisements? Would you buy either one of those products? That's exactly the way I felt about this year's election.
No candidate is able to tell you why you should vote for them - only why you shouldn't vote for the other candidate.
Then these politicians wonder why over fifty percent of eligible voters don't vote. I can't remember one positive commercial for a candidate I heard this whole electoral season.
With all the talk about Campaign Finance Reform I have one suggestion: You must say something positive about your opponent in at least one commercial. I don't care if you opponent is Joseph Stalin, tell him you like his Mustache. If it's Hitler, you can say, "It's not like you killed all the Jews, there were some who escaped."
The reason political consultants say they love going negative is because it works. For who? Obviously not the Democrats. It's ironic but maybe the Democrats should go negative and dump the political consultants that gave them this advice.
One reason these candidates don't say anything about themselves is because they never want to take a stand on an issue.
When a candidate does take a stand it's on a total non-issue. I remember a few years ago in a small town I saw this candidate running for Sheriff who stated unequivocally that he was "against crime." Way to go out on a limb! I'm going to vote for this guy. Good thing he told me that, otherwise I might have voted for the candidate running for the Sheriff who was "for crime." (I remember thinking how ridiculous the politics in this local yocal's town must be.)
Every candidate boldly announces that they are "for families, for education, and against crime." That's why if I ever get into politics I want to be the first candidate to run on the anti-family and anti-education plank.
When people would eventually ask me how I could possibly be anti-family, I would tell them to read the court transcripts of my parents ten-year divorce. I would then say I am anti-education because I want most constituents to remain stupid so that they'd continue to vote for me.
I'll also be Pro-crime only as far as stealing and as long as I get a little kickback from the thieves.
Due to the fact that we know so little about the policies of the candidates, we rely on the parties they represent. Unfortunately for the Democrats, most Americans weren't too enamored with their party. Most people are not worried about prescription medication when terrorists around the world are planning the prescription to destroy the U.S. After September 11 the world has changed but the Democratic Party's thinking has not.
The Democrats not only stuck with their old ideas but also brought out from the pasture Walter Mondale and Frank Lautenberg. Why not run LBJ in Texas while you're at it? So what if you have to dig him up, people love a good name. Besides it's been thirty years. I'm sure everyone's forgot the whole Vietnam thing.
If the Democrats want to improve in the next election they could learn from these two warhorses. First Mr. Lautenberg is one of the few Democrats who followed my advice (though he didn't know it) and told the electorate something about himself. He took over for the disgraced incumbent Senator Robert Toricelli, who was behind over ten points in the polls at the time to an unknown Republican. Lautenberg came in and crushed his opponent by simply telling voters that, "he was not Robert Toricelli."
Sure that's not saying a lot about yourself but its better than most. It's also good to know that he is not Robert Toricelli because one of them is enough.
Then follow the example of Walter Mondale who once again went negative and with the same old liberal slogans which reminded people of the doom and gloom of the seventies when he was Vice-President.
Of course in the end he lost. Maybe he should have tried to campaign saying "I am not Walter Mondale".
NEW YORK, NY, USA - Imagine a commercial from Pepsi Cola that says, "You really can't tell the difference between our product and Coca Cola, but Coca Cola used to use Cocaine in their soda. So if you buy a Coke you're supporting drugs."
Now, a few years later, everybody has adopted this Sheriff's campaign. I didn't recognize what a political genius this guy really was!
STUART ALTMAN - Says of himself: "I am an attorney in New York City who enjoys writing humor articles. I came in third in the Funniest Lawyer in New York Competition(Then again I don't know if that's saying much because the guy who won was still telling O.J. jokes)." This is his fourth contribution to The World's Magazine.
WEB SITE PICK OF THE WEEK: Yeah, we noticed that creepy movie "The Ring" like you did. So we went looking for their Web site. It's creepy, too. Check out The Ring on the Web.
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