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So, like a lot of folks this week, I'm sorely looking forward to New Year's 2002 and sayin' "Phew! Glad that's over!"
Even Cleavis and Buford, at the park Christmas party this week, were jawin' about not being into this Christmas as much as t'others they could remember and how they was goin' to do they real partying next week, when they could be shed of 2001 once and for all and good riddance! When them ole boys says a year is bad, y'all better believe it is, 'cause they seen about all the Hard Times anybody in these parts can boast to.
Even the trailer trash news this year was kindah on the weak side, when I think about it. Besides J-Lo dumping the former Puff Daddy and then all the rest of us horn-dogs, the Tom-Nicole bust-up, the Bush twins makin' horses butts of themselves down here in AusTex, most of the best stuff I had to report on was at the durned first of the year --- or the end of 2000 --- depending on how y'all wannah look at thangs.
The worst part of 2001 for a guy like me, who has made it his stock and trade to write about what passes for news down here in the trailer park, is the even most of the trailer trash news wasn't funny. Take the SpringerCam, f'rinstance. Back when Jerry Springer just paid some stupid folks to take a swing or two at each other while they aired their dirty laundry, it was good for a few laughs. But since he started airing that durned fakey-ass SpringerCam with its obviously trumped up scenarios by people who cain't act they way out of a wet paperbag... Well, I thank y'all know what I mean. Dang! It's like going to the freak show at a cheap carnival where they don't even bother to hide that the beard on the lady is fake, where the dog-faced boy didn't put on enough fleshtone make-up to hide the trick!
That ain't funny, fellow Sanitation Engineers, that's just a durn gyp is what it is!
Man, I got so much mileage offah Courtney Love and the Spice Girls my column would practically write itself every week! Woo-hoo!
But then, toward the middle of the year 2000, even Ms. Hole herself started getting serious on my ass! Serious in a very good way, yes, but she lost her value as "Tabloid Hart" material.
I sure as heck miss her.
Or take this past summer, please. It mightah been funny to talk about Tom Green and Drew Barrymore gettin' married EXCEPT Tom Green is about as funny as leavin' the peel on the banana --- and now they're rumored to be headed for divorce anyway. Considering how Tom Green probably wouldn't have made it as far as he did in Hollyweird without baggin' Drew... Well, let's act surprised. Two people cain't really live off'n one career these days, especially in Hollyweird.
Ya' all see what I'm gettin' at here? When even Hollyweird antics are un-funny ya' gottah know it's a BAD danged year.
Let's face it, the whole point of my "Tabloid Hart" column here at G21.net is gossip, innuendo, scandal, calumney and ridicule. You take that stuff away from me and I lose my claim to the title "Sanitation Engineer" a.k.a. Trash Man. You take that stuff away from me, you might as well place me over in "Day One" with that greybeard, Kevin Carey.
So to recap: Good riddance to 2001. Politics weren't funny, celebrities weren't funny and the only funny thang Vince McMahon did was the XFL.
Come on! Some of y'all must still remember the XFL!!!
Hurry up 2002. We need some danged laughs.
AUSTIN, REPUBLIC OF TEJAS - Even without the world having changed on 9/11, I don't know one durned person down here in the trailer park who is gonnah be sad to see the year 2001 over. There was the contentious coronation by the Supremes of His Fraudulency to begin with and all the mayhem of them globalization protests. Jennifer Lopez up and got married on us! And then came Osama bin Laden and Al-Quida and our country being under attack. Not to mention the anthrax thang, which most intelligent people feel is a bunch of homegrown wing-nuts takin' advantage of a bad situation.
A couple years back, as a humorist, I knew I could get some play outtah Courtney Love. All I had to do was sit around and wait and ole Courtney would do or say somethin' that was both outrageous and funny...
This week's Poll: "2002!!! OH BABY! I'm going to ...?" 
WEB SITE PICK OF THE WEEK: Everything you'd like to know about the Nobel Prize can be found at it's official Web site. Enjoy!
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