COVER -> RECOMMENDED DAILY REQUIREMENT
TRYING TO SAY GOOD-BYE - "The bravest thing I've ever done is to run away and hide,
But not this time, not this time.
The weakest thing I've ever done, is to stay right by your side.
Just like this time, and every time.
I couldn't tell you, I was happy you were gone,
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart.
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on,
But I didn't mean to break your[my] heart." - Break Your Heart, The Barenaked Ladies, *continued throughout article.
Numerous studies have shown that having just one cigarette, one hit off a joint, one sniff of cocaine or one drink of alcohol, will throw most people who are "on the wagon" of abstention back into their old ways.
One "nibble" has derailed many a resolute dieter. The legal and family counseling professions both routinely see the phenomena of formerly bitter ex-spouses getting back together after just ONE friendly exchange of words or looks. Simple human frailty - been there myself.
So on December 31st, while revelers around the world watched glass balls fall, fireworks exploded and happy couples kissed in celebration of the New Year, I suspect that millions of people around the world (myself included) were struck with great sadness.
Sadness not because of things we hadn't done or failures of the past year. No, the bad feelings surfaced because it was THAT time again: time to commit, time to stop, time to start, time to mend, time to forget, time to break that habit, pattern, addiction or association in our lives that is [purportedly] THE ONLY THING REALLY STOPPING US from reaching some better plane of existence.
Searching around on the Web I found little talk of what, IMHO, makes those changes so easy to give up on: the sadness involved with trying to say GOODBYE, forever.
And what a crazy time to try to pull off these acts of self-denial: a new calendar year, low daylight hours, budgets are at their lowest --- due to holiday spending, increased living expenses due to winter weather and post-holiday business and economy slowdowns. "Yeah, just throw another log on the bonfire of stress we're already under, and let it burn, Baby!"
SO HOW BAD IS FOREVER, REALLY?
"And if I always seem distracted ,like my mind is somewhere else,
that's because its true. Yes, its true." *
Sometimes, life makes things easy to decide: birth, death, job closings, flat car tires and spilt milk. Just deal with it.
New Year's Resolutions, on the other hand, are generally self-reversible decisions of self-denial.
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Your friends and family might laugh at you, but you could just see them, "one-more-time". Just once more won't hurt, right? "Just DO IT, BABY!"
And so the obsessive thoughts continue, excruciatingly.
BE PROUD
"Pride is a sticky thing,that makes me feel like I have to follow through,
even half-assedly lovin' you.
And truth is a word that I'd rather not use,
'cause it's always capitalized,
and it's only falsehood in disguise.
Why must I always speak in tongues of cowardice,
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start?
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I wouldn't want to break [my] your heart."
Pride might be the strongest ally one can have in sticking with a New Year's Resolution. Pride that you are dealing with the very real pain of self-denial. Pride that you said goodbye and meant it. Pride that you at least acknowledged you need to make some CHANGE.
It's said that there is nothing people resist more than change. If you've made it this far with a New Year's Resolution, congratulations. And be proud of yourself. If you fell off your resolution, just pick up your Pride, dust it off, and think about trying again sometime in the near future when circumstances are a little more conducive to your success. The band U2 sings,"nothing changes, New Years Day"; rightfully so. It's just not that good a time for change, when added to the changes that are thrust upon us by the larger world.
January 1st? I think any other day would be better suited for ... Goodbye.
QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? Go ahead and e-mail Ed.
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