COVER -> RECOMMENDED DAILY REQUIREMENT
IS IMITATION FLATTERY? - "Beat biter! Dope style taker! Tell you to your face you ain't nuttin but a faker!" --- MC Lyte(10%Dis)
Lots of folks like imitating OTHER folks. Accents, mannerisms, clothing and all sorts of smarmy, unsavory references to our race, history, country or culture are, apparently, fair game.
Some folks get a bit sensitive regarding this kind of humor, especially when practiced by people from outside their racial or ethnic group.
Here in the US of A, some black folks get mighty pissy about white folks trying to use THEIR slang, copy THEIR music or wear THEIR hip-hop clothing styles.
Now --- between fake European accents and all the pathetically fake portrayals of Black, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Hispanic folks --- I am trying to figure out WHO isn't getting imitated, copied or snapped on due to their ethnic heritage.
Unless you are positive you NEVER participate in, condone or laugh at this routine political incorrectness, I say: HUSH UP! YOU'RE MISSING THE FUNNY PARTS....
HEY PAISANO!
(The Italian Connection, Part I)
Dear God: you know how I hate that expression!Not only do I have to hear that expression out of the mouths of Italian-Americans who don't know any REAL Italian, but I have to hear it from non-Italians as well.
For instance, one of my black neighbors always yells across to me," Heya Pi-a-san-o" with this really dopey Italian accent. You know, I bet he'd be a damn bit offended if I was to shout over, "Sa-AY Breh-thair" - basically giving "Say Brother" a healthy, urban, black dialect treatment.
Considering I went to a school that was 55-60% black, in a town that has about the same racial mix - I think I can talk authentic "urban", if I so choose, just as "real" as the average African-American. Maybe even BETTER. But Nooooooooooo, the Speech Police have ruled that I am one racist bastard if I do a parody of black, urban dialect!
- I'm in Big Trouble if I break out one of my Wayan's brothers imitations.
- I get weird looks from black folks in traffic sometimes, just because some "black" music is drifting out my car window.
- And Heaven forbid I have the temerity to be singing along with some brothers doing New Orleans style gospel! I have actually had young black guys yell out their windows at me: "Hey white boy! Why don't you listen to some of yo' own damn hunky music?" It's damn oppressive!
And why is it whenever ANYONE in the US of A wants to "suggest" to someone else, that painful or deadly consequences are impending, Mafia-styled linguistics are one of the top choices, e.g.:
- "How'da you like some cement shoes?"
- "We's a gonna hafta break youse legs!" or
- "Youse could have an accident"?
No matter what THEIR race or nationality is, they just have to "borrow" our Italian thug lingo? Maybe they're envious? Maybe they are assholes? Maybe they are trying to be funny? All sorts of people seem to be intrigued by the "Mafia thug glamour" thing, from street gangs named The Capones to rap songs that make reference to John Gotti or [fictional] Italian boxer Rocky Balboa!
"....In my Maserati, just like John Gotti, bangin on some young ho-a (whore), like Rocky Bal-a-boa..."
Ok, so I made that line up, those words appear in two different songs.
All those Jewish movie studio owners, making a mint by regurgitating every moment of our "Mafia glory" make me mad.
Hell! even our own editor likes to "mack" (imitate) the Mafia lingo if I get smart or tease him a little too much:
"There's a Chevy Monza parked outside your building, Cantarella" - a reference to a modern Mafia method of "hitting" (assassinating) someone by calling a car cell phone that has a bomb attached to it. Bir-ring! Biir-ring! KA-BLOOM!!!
"Dat Bra-thair cracks my azz up!" - figured it was my turn.
Recently, this German dude asked me, within damn near the same breath where he noted that "Cantarella - that's Italiano isn't it?" what I thought of the "Godfather" movies.
I'm thinking,"What kind of FREAK strikes up a conversation that way?"
See, I haven't watched any of them Godfather movies all the way through, because I get absolutely no nationalistic pride out of the violence associated with the Mafia "life."
Anyhow, being of some German heritage myself, and feeling a bit smarmy after his jump from "Italian" to "Organized Crime," I dead panned, "They are Fantastic! They give me the same proud feelings German-Americans get when watching films on the Holocaust."
(Ok, so I have a sick sense of humor - I thought it was funny, albeit darkly, under the circumstances.)
SEIG!
Speaking of German folk, have we yet to cut them any slack on the whole Nazi era? Hell no!"Ve have vays of making you talk."
A cute taunt that we will find out what someone else knows, even if it requires Nazi-like torture.
"Seig! Sieg Heil!" - as our editor noted in his recent article on the protests at the Bush inauguration, more than one protester thought that an allusion to the despised Nazi salute was a good response to overzealous police activities. Lots of folks also like to use the Nazi salute as a after-their-gone response to someone chewing their ass out. High-fives all around, compliments of the Third Reich!
SCENT OF A WOMAN
(The Italian Connection, Part II)
You know, it wasn't just coincidence that Al "Big Nose" Pacino (Italian) was chosen to star in a movie entitled, "Scent of a Woman."
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ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE!!
We probably only try to screw a quarter, maybe half, tops, of the women we "sniff".
This is the origin of a common American expression (that no one gives US credit for) "she doesn't pass the sniff test".
But seriously, sometimes our "rep" of being oversexed IS pretty amusing. Case in point: I had a job maintaining some commercial rental properties, and when I had to do maintenance at one of the buildings, the female business owner would shy away from me like I had an alien head growing out of my forehead or something.
Chatting with one of her employees I then learned that this women was firmly convinced that ALL Italian men fantasized about "doing" a blond like her, and that us "hot blooded" Mediterraneans could turn into slobbering rapists if given just one second of opportunity.
My head HAS been turned by a woman or two of the "blonde" persuasion, but I wouldn't have done THAT particular women with someone else's body! Gag me! But, since she had this so firmly set in her mind (a bit insulting considering what a "dogger" she was) I just couldn't resist having some fun with her fear of my "roaming Roman hands." Sadistically, I'd move my tools and ladders around the building more than necessary, just to see her skitter away from me - RRRAHHH!!! I WANT YOU BA-BY!!
LAUGH WITH THEM
I tease my Greek father-in-law that he screwed another guy in a transaction; his immediate response is to slap his left palm against his right bicep, with his right fist raised, and retort: "Greek-style, Mr. Mozzorelli!"I took it as a self-depreciating allusion to the common stereotype/legend that ALL Greek folks are into pederasty/sodomy.
An Hispanic buddy of mine used to joke, "Si, Senor, would you like to buy my see-ster?" when he caught me chatting things up with his sister - a self-depreciating allusion to the common stereotype that guys hang out on all the street corners in Mexico trying to prostitute their sisters.
These two guys had evidentially decided it was less stressful, more honest and more even-handed, to just "Laugh with them".
BLACK FOLKS! IT'S YOUR TURN!
"Wazzup with my niggas?"I realize that some folks, black and not, cringe when they hear words such as these out of the mouth of a white youth, feeling it racist or mockery or "cultural theft".
Having two teenagers myself, I've observed an awful lot of this behavior and believe that the only forces at work are:
- a burning desire to irritate parents and authority figures; and
- an honest appreciation for hip-hop music, lingo and fashions.
Appreciation, not understanding.
I realize that Jazz, blues and rock & roll all underwent a considerable amount of "cultural theft/appropriation" by white America, but hip-hop culture is highly immune to that fate, IMHO.
Why?
Hip-hop culture is based upon living situations and life circumstances that no white person can truly experience or imitate; even some black Americans can't connect with this culture.
And some of it is god-awful-funny or embarrassing; it really depends on who YOU are and what YOU believe and live.
White rapper Eminem acknowledges the unlikeliness of a white person being accepted as part of the real hip-hop scene when he raps,
"Ya'll act like you never seen a white person before, jaws all on the floor" --- (The Real Slim Shady).
Sometimes, imitating along racial or ethnic lines IS just a most sincere form of flattery. But sometimes it IS a sign of ingrained hate, racism and destructive stereotypes (aren't they all?)
Usually, it is just people just doing their usual thing of finding something consistently different from themselves to poke fun at. Often-times the friendliest thing you can do, when it's "YOUR TURN" is to smile and grit your teeth a little - and let the OTHER GUY laugh at your funny parts.
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone."
This week's Poll: Was the second time better than the first?
WEB SITE PICK OF THE DAY: College Presidents are not among those we think have ANYTHING to say. Wonder why? This one proves us wrong. G. William Troxler on the Bush Inaugural. Check all the great photos, Kids!
