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RDR Logo. I'm judgmental. That's easy to see reading this magazine. But most of my judgements are about matters of honor. I take honor very seriously

I worry about my own honor, but I'm also concerned about issues of compassion. I notice how easy it is for other people to sit in judgement, as last week's RDR (by Raheem) article pointed out most succinctly

At base, though, I think it's very important for us to be just the way we are. You and me. The pressure to be "like everyone else" is far too great.

That's means taking the risk of being unpopular, of course. It also means taking the quiet time for reflection and sorting out which attitudes and opinions truly express your own deepest convictions and values and which of them are convenient to hold in order not to cause offence or confrontation. That can be scarey.

The scariest part of the whole process is acknowledging that we live in a very crowded world these days where the pressure to conform has become almost crushing. With more than enough labels to go around, there are more than enough people who find it the path of least resistance to pigeonhole you with a label. It makes it easier for them to ridicule your thoughts and feelings that way: another means of brow-beating you into submission with to their own thoughts and feelings. Nobody likes to be made to look like a fool.

I have at least one friend who uses this form of brow-beating all the time. He believes it shows force of character; many of us on the receiving end of his barbs merely think it shows his tendency to be an intellectual and emotional bully.

So sometimes I just ignore him altogether. I've probably lost some interesting and important messages along the way, but that seems better than opening myself up to more unwanted abuse. He fails to "get" that maybe it's okay for me to be just the way I am...

We're all familiar with the various pressures to be different:

You should be thinner or more muscular

You should be more assertive

You should be more fashion conscious or "dress for success"

You should be more communicative and/or a better listener

You should show more self-discipline

You should take yourself more/less seriously

The fact is, if you listen to enough people, you'll find that you "should be" everything you already are or the exact opposite of yourself. Television, magazines, political and religious organizations just add to the flood of unsolicited advice about your personal makeup that your friends and acquaintances are more than willing to offer.

That's why, this holiday season, I thought it might be a good idea to remind you that there might be something nice about being just the way you are.

Have you noticed that there are some people you talk to every week or month who invariably make you laugh? I hope so. Chances are you look forward to speaking with or seeing these people. You don't get that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that certain friends and acquaintances solicit. There's a reason for this: These are the people who actually like you most. Chances are they are short on unsolicited "should be" advice and long on enjoying your company as much as you enjoy theirs.

Try to spend more time with this later group of people this holiday season. If you do, I suspect you'll be anxious, stressed and depressed less of the time and filled with genuine good cheer and bonhomie more of the time. And that's part o the whole point, isn't it?

This week's Poll: "During the Holy Season my focus will be ...?"

WEB SITE PICK OF THE WEEK: Here's a little treat of those of the Douglas McDaniel ilk: visit the U2 site and kick around. Have a good time!

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