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Nairobi, KENYA - I returned from work early yesterday and found the neighbourhood kids playing a game of Hide and Seek. The seeker finished counting just as I entered the gate, and I saw her pounce on the two hiders, not very far away, hiding behind some plant pots around the corner.
Aamena
JiwajiNo strategy [was used] at all -- both hiders were right behind each other.
The seeker was fast: she ran to the "Home" and shouted gleefully "Tip Tip", meaning that she had caught them both out.
How many, when playing a game of Hide and Seek, have deliberately chosen a position where they know they will be caught? It seems there is more fun in being easy to catch and in helping the seeker find the rest, than in finding the perfect hiding place and evading capture.
How many people have played a game of Hide and Seek where the seeker, mid-game, is called into the house by his mother? As hiders, you continue to wait for the imminent pounce as it gets darker, and your legs get cramped. Finally, you emerge, rather bemused but determined to appear casual, as if you were in the know the whole time.
That is how the game is played. And long after we have grown out of our childhood apparel, we continue to play the game in a world of uncertainties. But in the adult version of Hide and Seek, who hides? Does hiding imply that there will be a seeker? And how do we decide whether we are to be the hiders or the seekers?
Predetermined? Perhaps. We may all have an innate characteristic that determines whether we are the go-getters of the world, the seekers, or the ones who sit back and wait, the hiders.
Unfortunately when the game involves a guy and a girl, tradition insists that the girl be the hider. So she flirts, but not too much, and generally plays hard to get, hoping that her innuendoes have been enough to indicate her intentions to the boy. And if the boy does not automatically adopt the role of seeker, then it is assumed that he is not interested. Eventually, if she has any sense, she moves on to find another seeker. The ones without sense wait, hoping. But the alternative never offered is that of her turning into the seeker.
What exactly would happen if she did? Would the guy sense the strength of her desire and be repulsed? Or would he be relieved, having been unsure of the signals she gave him, that things were out in the open and proceed from there?
Aha! But then, the catch-22.
If she turns into the seeker and things are resolved, does she ever question why he did not "seek" her, whether he did not consider her worth being sought? So she can't sit back and wait, and neither can she seek, if her peace of mind is to be retained.
So what are the signs that indicate to him that she is hiding, waiting for him to catch her? And what are the signs that indicate to her that he is a willing seeker and that they are indeed engaged in a game of Hide and Seek?
The western culture has its own signs: smiles, winks, laughter, and the Hollywood-famous lean in for a kiss. But in a multicultural setting, these signs clash with the more traditional ones of demureness, chastity and gentlemanly behaviour. Suddenly, the playing field is strewn with a multitude of signs, all of which have lost their meaning.
But that isn't likely. And so further game-playing is involved by always keeping the other party guessing and therefore always being the one in control.
- A code of conduct outlining the set of rules that seem to change overnight (completely banishing the spontaneous, romantic impulse) would be great, especially with the added confusion that the feminist movement brings to bear.
- Things would also be a lot simpler if words played a greater part than actions, but that is unlikely. Words are too telling and everyone, selfishly, has a first wall of defence to protect their own feelings.
- Assigned roles for men and women would also be great, set ways to behave, with a sense of certainty that the right message is being communicated. Nothing vague or wishy-washy; acceptance and rejection as clear as day; because it is not in the finality of the last act that the pain lies but in the guessing-hoping-waiting scenario.
The motto [of our modern courtships,] it seems, is never play the other player's game; always play your own.
Even as a "submissive" female, the intention is to have him in the palm of your hand, that way you can deny your depth of involvement at any stage, if unrequited, and immediately distance yourself from pain. How to do this?
Deception enters the picture. More and more the honest role of the person is compromised and a tight rope established as to when the mask of deception can slip and the honesty be revealed. Too honest and you lay yourself open for rejection; too deceptive and you run the risk of not only being rejected but also forgetting who you really are.
No clear cut roles or signs, no rules ... and deception.
Hide and Seek: no longer a child's game.
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