The Game Behind the Bombs

by Rastislav Durman

Special to the G21

[EDITOR'S NOTE: During the first few hours of the NATO intervention in the former-Yugoslavia the author composed the following piece which he has given The World's Magazine permission to print. Much has happened since Mr. Durman made these jokes. They are, nonetheless, insightful as Novi Sad was being bombed as we went to "press" with his "jokes." --RA]

NOVI SAD - I suppose the following phone conversation took a place a few weeks ago:

"Bill, could you give me a hand, please? I can't make my spring cleaning without additional forces in Kosovo and I can't send additional forces there while these observers are bothering around..."

"No problem, Slobo. I think that I could persuade them to leave Kosovo because they are disgusted with [that] uncivilized dealing with civilians or something like that..."

"[Well, Bill] You could say barbarian instead of uncivilized, Bill, it sounds better, but I am afraid that I need something stronger. I know that you have this anniversary of NATO soon and that you need to polish and retouch arms before [the] parade, but I suppose that you could [do something] to mark out a few machines..."

"I will add a few missiles if you don't mind. You just gave me an idea how to improve [the] anniversary. Fireworks could be a real thing!"

"I am glad that I helped you. On the other side, this will work for me, too. I would like to see opposition to say single [a] word against me while New World Order attacks small peaceful sovereign state... Oh boy, Bill, I can already see the speech I will make!"

"I am looking forward to hear it."

"I will send you [a] VHS with [a] dedication."

"Do not bother yourself..."

"At any rate I have to sent you [a] list of towns where local power is in hands of my foes: Novi Sad, Nis..."

"Nis? In Montenegro?"

"South of Serbia. Speaking of Montenegro, you can bomb it all."

"I don't know, Slobo, I was speaking to Milo..."

"Forget Milo! It is my job!

"Could you persuade your allies to support you? You know, some people from UK and France could be soppy..."

"Forget allies now. It is my job. Are you sure that Boris will not mumble?"

"Forget Boris, you can always buy him. If some troubles could be expected, I see them in UN."

"Forget [the] UN as I already did."

"[Okay, but] please don't forget some civil-victim casualties to make my Serbs strongly mad on you."

"Clear, if they waste all their animosity on me, only love rests for you. Therefore I will add some hospitals or monuments on the target list ..."

"You can use some monasteries, too!. Richard liked Gracanica very much when he was here few times ago. You can find address in UNESCO papers... Well, Bill, it is real pleasure to deal with you."

"Pleasure is on my side, too, Slobo, without you I would be remembered in history as president who had scandal with Monica. You are helping me to have nice resume."

"If I can help you, Bill, please do not hesitate to let me know it."

"Well, maybe you could think about what I can do after bombing you. I have no idea how to fill my time after the rest of [this] mandate."

"No problem, we will push Albanian refugees to Macedonia enough to perturb balance between them and Macedonians that will employ you for some time."

"Fine. In [the] meantime I will easily convince Kosovo Albanians not to accept to be part of Yugoslavia any more. Then you can open the question of unchangeable borders in Europe and ask me why are Albanians allowed to have their own state and why Serbs from Krajina were not..."

"Which Krajina?"

"Well, in Croatia. Or it was Slovenia?"

"I forgot it, too, Bill. Never mind, we made deal. Give my love to Hillary."

"Same to Mirjana. Keep in touch."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If it was not in this way, I can't see any sense in what is going on.


RASTISLAV DURMAN was born in 1956 (Senta, Vojvodina, Yugoslavia.) He is married and has been living in Slovakia since 1993. He's a writer, (4 novels, over 40 radio and TV plays, more than 1000 short stories,) and TV director (over 500 hours of program). Mr. Durman graduated from University of Novi Sad, Yugoslavia, 1982, with a degree in Philosophy. His postgraduate studies were at the same institution, from which he graduated in1984. Rastislav has twenty years of experience in TV media. He is one of the founders of City TV Foundation and the International Festival of Local TV Broadcasters (Head of Program and Development Dept., Kosice, Slovakia since 1995)

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