Here are my personal favorites. Please send me any that you think might fit in this archive of anti-social sentiment.

Honk If You're Illiterate.

I Eat Living Human Flesh and I Vote.

Of Course I'm Drunk. Did You Think I Was a Stunt-Driver?

It's Still Not Weird Enough for Me.

Confuse Authority.

Question Reality.

I Inhaled.

A Clean Conscience Is Usually Just a Poor Memory.

So Many Stupid People... So Few Comets.

Death to the Intolerant.

Honk If You *Are* Jesus.

I Brake for Hallucinations.

Visualize Using Your Turn Signal.

Visualize Whirled Peas.

Lottery: A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math.

Preserve Wild Life. Lead One.

It Is As Bad As You Think And They *Are* Out to Get You.

Auntie Em - Hate You, Hate Kansas, Taking the Dog. Dorothy.

Time Is What Keeps Everything From Happening At Once.

Out Of My Mind. Back In Five Minutes.

I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushing My Luck.

Who Stopped Payment On My Reality Check?

A Bartender Is Just a Pharmacist with a Limited Inventory.

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Chaos, Panic, & Disorder - My Work Here Is Done.

Horn Broken. Watch for Finger.

I'm Not Your Type. I'm Not Inflatable.

A Man Without a Women Is Like a Neck Without a Pain.

Friends Help You Move. Real Friends Help You Move Bodies.

Did You Stop to Think and Forget to Start Again?

You're Just Jealous Because the Voices Talk Only to Me.

Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me to.

Real Ann Landers Story

Contributed by Nilda DoVale, Bandon, OR

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, Mom couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. She wondered if there was more going on than met the eye. John told her, "I know what you must be thinking, Mom, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

A week later, the housekeeper told John, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

So John sent his mother a letter that read,

"Dear Mother:

I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother that said,

"Dear Son:

I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper, nor am I saying you don't. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love,
Mom."