Everyone remembers the first time.
Some of us would rather not.
Whether it happened by accident, or it was planned, at night in the back seat of a car, in our parents' basement while they were away, in a tiny dormitory room in college, at the graveyard or in an open field --- the first time stays with us. We shall share what it was like when you went "All The Way."
Some of us went in with outrageous expectations... or fear ...or uncontrolled giggling. All of our myths about sex came with us to that first time.
This feature is meant to be an exploration of human sexuality, and our personal emotional experiences.
All identities will be kept COMPLETELY CONFIDENTIAL. Only the stories will be revealed. We invite you be part of this community, sharing THE FIRST TIME, another Reader-driven feature of the GENERATOR 21.
To share your first sexual experience simply send in an e-mail with the subject line "THE FIRST TIME" to The First Time at G21.
After you've been with a woman for a while, you're left with a couple of choices: leave her or marry her.
I think, sometimes, that "The First Time," as you call it here, can mean a lot more than just the first time you slept with someone. In my case, I guess, I look at the first time as when I decided that I needed to either commit or run away.
I had been living with Grace for about four years, and I guess naturally people started to talking about when we were going to tie the knot. Her folks and mine even started asking that question. Grace never said anything, but I guess she figured even though she never said it, that after all that time together, we would just naturally take the next step everybody expected us to.
All this talk, and Grace not saying anything, got me spooked. I was twenty-six, and marriage was something I figured I'd do "one day" but not necessarily now. I loved Grace and all, but I didn't think there was any reason for that piece of paper to have to say it. I thought it meant more that we were still together... But if that piece of paper was going to be the condition for us staying together, like everybody seemed to be saying --- Well, it just didn't seem right.
Finally, it got so bad that I thought maybe it was better if we kept being roommates, but that we started sleeping in separate beds. I converted the room we used to use as an auxiliary room, for her sewing stuff, games, the other TV for when I wanted to watch sports and she wanted to see something else, as an extra room for friend from out of town, into my bedroom.
Finally, it came down to my telling her, one night when we were having an argument, that I wanted to move back to Michigan where we had first met.
As you might imagine, that was a strange period in our lives. We were still "together," but kind of not. I wasn't seeing anyone else and neither was she, but it was kind of strange being roommates this way. I don't think either one of us knew what do to next. I told her that if she wanted to start seeing other guys it was okay with me, just so long as she didn't bring them back to our place. I wouldn't do that to her, after all our time together, and I thought it only fair that she respect my feelings too.
Looking back on it now, I know this sounds all kind of strange, but relationships get strange, as anyone who has been in a serious one can tell you. We were stuck over this marriage thing, so I thought I should start planning on ending the relationship smoothly and getting out of her way.
Grace is kind of a quiet person really. She reminds me of that movie star my parents used to like, Gary Cooper. She just never said that much. She was never the kind of person for "small talk." Not that she wasn't friendly to just about everybody, just that she listened instead of gabbing a lot.
Things being the way they were, our friends started asking questions, wondering if I was really going back to Michigan and when. And then, one of my buddies started letting it be known that he was kind of sweet on Grace himself.
I can't really explain why, but this got me real upset. I felt like it was low class of him to be putting out feelers before I was really off the scene. It made me start thinking real hard about everything: my so-called friends, Grace, my life with Grace, and what I wanted my future to be like.
When I had done thinking, I sat down with Grace and told her what my feelings were. I told her how I had been afraid about getting married, and how I felt like people were pressuring us into it. I also told her that I loved her and that I was willing to give it a go if she thought that she loved me, too.
She said that she did, and yes, she wanted to marry me. So we got married that following summer.
FROM PCS, Duluth, MN., USA:
With your help, in this space we'll share with you the experience that other G21 readers had THE FIRST TIME. We shall look at the expectations, the circumstances, the aftermath of our readers' first times; how they lost their virginity.
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