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LAGOS, NIGERIA - I was strolling down my neighborhood one morning after a night of heavy downpour with my little girl nestling close to my chest, hoping to catch a little of the teasing morning sun, when I happened on the conversation of two young men -- students, I could tell from their matching school uniforms -- walking slightly ahead of us. I will do my best to recount their conversation or what I can recall of it without offending anyone's sensibilities.
Ngozi
Razak-SoyebiBoy B: Don't mind the f---ing guy. I don't know who the f--- he thinks he is.
Boy A: Just because he is the principal's boy doesn't mean he can f--- up with me.
Boy B: The boy is a f---ing bastard. The last time he f---ed up with Deji, he waylaid him after school and beat the f---ing daylights out of him.
Boy A: And that was the reason why that f---ing principal expelled Deji.
Boy B: Mmm-hmm.
Boy A: Well, I don't give a f--- about that. I'll teach him a lesson the very next time he f---s up with me. After all, there are other secondary schools in Lagos.
They continued in like vein until they turned round a corner and disappeared from view. I heaved a sigh of relief, and I can assure you that if my little girl had been a day older than ten months, I would have felt compelled to stick my fingers in her ears.
Now, how's that for spoken English?
I'm not a graduate of English Language, but I do recall enough of my grammar to know that these two future leaders of tomorrow managed quite nicely to use the "F" word as verb, noun, adjective, et cetera, and more than Eddie Murphy ever had good reason to use in a conversation this brief in any of his flicks.
In a country as diverse as Nigeria, with a variety of customs, language and traditions among its 250 ethnic groups (Tower of Babel couldn't have been worse, surely?), it must have been a relief to adopt English as our lingua franca.
We have gone a step further, though, and imbibed all-things Western into our culture; the way we dress, speak, our diet and the films we favor. We might have been colonized by the British but there is a great deal of American influence in the way we speak and sometimes write.
Personally, I prefer the American form of expression to the British. It is easier on the ear, smoother on the tongue and swift to express. For Heaven's sake, only a white man, and by that I mean of British descent, will say, "I beg your pardon, Mr. Johnson, sir?" His American counterpart doesn't have the time for this sort of approach.
In retrospect, I am inclined to believe that time is what constitutes the difference between the British and the American. The Americans appear to be in too much of a hurry.
Anyway, to get back to "I beg your pardon, Mr. Johnson, sir?" an American would probably say, "Run that by me again, pal," or better still, "Say what?"
See what I mean?
Okay, so here in my homeland, we have greater leanings toward the American form of expression, but, pray tell, do we have to embrace the American love of profanity?
The only American I have never heard swear in public in American films is the guy who acts the part of the President of the United States. Every other character appears to have a field day with what is very appropriately considered as strong language. It is only right that Eddie Murphy's character in the film "Coming To America" erroneously assumed that "f--- you" was the American equivalent of "Good morning" when his very American neighbors decided that was the only appropriate word to hush this latest exuberant immigrant. Any wonder such films are labeled "SL" [Strong Language] by the film censors' board.
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Now, believe me, there is good reason for calling this sort of profanity strong language. If it could be extracted every time it is used, pooled together and cast into the river, I assure you it would knock the life out of all aquatic life. The worst thing about profanity yet is that you don't experience it without feeling as though you've been hit by a human version of Hurricanes Ivan, Frances and Jeanne rolled into one.
Have you ever had someone say "f--- off!" to your face and act like they really mean it? Hey, you either do as they say or you get hopping mad, too. Not exactly the kind of language to elicit dialogue, huh?
These two young men that inspired this article might have felt like they were communicating quite nicely -- well, they probably were -- but this is no language any mother should be proud to hear her child speak. In like manner, it isn't the kind of language Eddie Murphy should be allowed to pull off with a straight face and come out looking like Mr. Nice Guy.
I have always believed that Americans must wash their mouths out with soap more than any other inhabitants of the earth -- perhaps this commodity should sell at a premium over there -- however, now, I'm inclined to believe that Nigerians are f---ing catching up!
© 2004, GENERATOR 21.
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