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VA LOAN INFORMATION and VETERANS' MORTGAGES Music Download Universe & Great Ebay Info KATRINA & THE LOST CITY OF NEW ORLEANS by Rod Amis New Orleans is the Lost City of America. Rod Amis, publisher of G21: The World's Magazine, once believed one of the best bartenders in New Orleans, tells the story like no one else could. A portion of the proceeds of this book will go to the New Orleans Hospitality Workers Fund. The cooks, servers and restaurant workers of New Orleans have provided fabulous times and memories for millions. Now we must remember them in their time of need.
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An anthology of African writing only featured on the Internet until now, this book features the collected works of writers for the G21 AFRICA section of G21.net. The eight writers represented here are from around the continent and present an exciting look at cutting-edge fiction and reporting from the first continent today. |
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HOUSE OF CARDS - TIME FOR MORE LAUGHS!, G21 Alumnus and Loyal Reader DC STULTZ shares a few of his favorite forwarded jokes with us.
GLIDE STRIDE, PEP STEP Ten Years of Truthspeak 1996-2006 G21 AFRICA MPHUTHUMI NTABENI, South Africa JOIN OUR MAILING LIST. It contains more jokes than not.
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THE WORLD -From DC STULTZ, Largo, FL, USA:
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying "Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit...
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked, "Is it true dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death."AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus so shut the hell up."
Flying Fun
1) Announcement: "After the pilot switches the seatbelt sign off, feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
?2) Airline attendant during safety demonstration: "There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."
?3) Stewardess after a bumpy touchdown: "We ask you to please remain seated whilst Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
?4) Loudspeaker announcement after landing: "Thank you for flying Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
?5) Attendant from same airline: "Welcome aboard. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. If you don't know how to operate one then you really shouldn't be out unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child with you, secure your own mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two small children, decide now which one you love more".
?6) Pilot: "The weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember.... nobody loves you or your money more than this airline".
?7) Stewardess: "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. In an emergency water landing, please take one with our compliments".
?8) Pilot heard over loudspeaker during touchdown: "Whoa, big fella, WHOA!"
?9) Flight attendant after rough landing: "Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our plane to the terminal gate".
?10) Stewardess: "As you exit, please make sure to gather your belongings. Anything left behind will be evenly distributed among the attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses".
?11) Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.....sadly none of them are on this flight".
?12) Flight attendant: " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and his crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the terminal gate. Once the tire-smoke has cleared and the warning bells stop, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal".
?13) Steward: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us".
?14) Stewardess: "Last passenger off the plane has to clean it".
?15) Loudspeaker announcement: " I don't know whether we landed or were shot down".
?16) Pilot "Welcome aboard flight 163 to New York, we shall be flying at (scream) Oh my goodness! ...
Oh no!...
(silence)
"Sorry about that folks, I've just spilt my coffee, you should see the front of my trousers."
Passenger: "You should see the back of mine ..."
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