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HOUSE OF CARDS - WORLD OF LAUGHTER: Members of our Mailing List send us LOTS of jokes. Here are a few more that have been circulating around the Internet.
DAY OF ALL SAINTS Ten Years of Truthspeak 1996-2006 G21 FICTION ROD AMIS, United States G21 FICTION JOHN KARANGA KARIUKI, Kenya JOIN OUR MAILING LIST. It contains more jokes than not. HOT LINKS RADIO RAHEEM, United States HOUSE OF CARDS YOU, The World IRISH EYES MATTIE LENNON, Ireland RECOMMENDED DAILY REQUIREMENT GLOBAL WATER FOUNDATION, United States SMOKE & MIRRORS ROD AMIS, G21 World HQ THE PREVIOUS EDITION MEET THE G-CREW! These are the people behind this jam-band every week. HOME TABLE OF CONTENTS & BACK ISSUES BECOME A SPONSOR OF THE WORLD'S MAGAZINE.
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THE WORLD -Forwarded by AJ, Nairobi, KENYA:
South African Humor:
Dearest KOOS
I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20km [kilometers] of home. So we moved.
I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to Change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I don't know that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first time for four days, and the second time for three days.
About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Piet locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I don't know what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. I was told that it is almost black. I think she spent too much time in the sun when she was pregnant, always helping Jonas the farmhand with the mealies.
Oom Wessels fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. It took five days to put the fire out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in their oupa's bakkie. I always knew this thing was dangerous. Janneman was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the back... They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your favorite aunt
HannaP.S. I was going to enclose R25 [twenty-five Rand] but I already sealed the envelope!
A young woman in Galway was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Atlantic Ocean.
She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing water when a young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.
"I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded Yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in America would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to America, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Arran Islands Ferry."
This was in my in box this morning.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef? Yep... From Kansas City!
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING
This happened at a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the- headlights stare.
This was a brunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
STAY ALERT
They walk among us - and they REPRODUCE.
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