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by MPHUTHUMI NTABENI

QUEENSTOWN, SOUTH AFRICA - I have a friend from Germany who was an exchange student at our local University last year. He wanted to stay in a black township some of his time in SA (South Africa) in order to be introduced to the quintessential township life style. In most Western circles township life is viewed with a romantic eye; regarded as the capital of vitality and vigorous fun in a South African life. The shebeen culture has a lot of influence to that view.

In the short time that he has stayed with us we became close friends. There is a certain quality of earnestness I liked about him. He has that rare union of genuine suavity with unaffected kindness and a refreshing lack of pretence that they tell me is the best quality of Germans...MORE




by BOB POWERS

MARIETTA, OH, USA - I'm not much of a filing freak. As a result, I occasionally lose track of a new released CD that deserves special notice.

Unfortunately, I accidentally lost track of the recent "Big Easy," a terrific entry from the prolific and delightful Kermit Ruffins. As I have been saying for several years, this young showman produces a version of the New Orleans sound that should make even someone in a dark mood suddenly smile like a kid on Christmas morning.... MORE




by GAYNOR PAYNTER

JOHANNESBURG, SOUTH AFRICA - Hello from your friend in South Africa, where the air conditioning and sun protection cream industries must be benefiting from temperatures which are soaring to over 36 degrees [Centigrade] in some parts of the country! The simple act of going out in the garden in the sun ensures that you must put hats and lotion on and stay in the shady parts, and going out at lunch time in my 1989 Nissan Sentra which does not have air conditioning is a definite no-no unless I want to lose 5 kilograms in fluid and go back to the office sporting a rather unprofessional "wet look". At five o'clock you could venture forth for a walk, as long as you keep it a short one! We live for the cooling rains which come every so often to quench the searing thirst of our dry land.

I bid you a Happy 2003 and hope and pray that you have all returned from your holidays safely.

In South Africa we are mourning the loss of over 1200 lives on the roads over the Christmas and New Year season - an amount which is totally unacceptable in a country of this size (we have a population of about 40 million)... MORE

NEW ORLEANS - 13 January, 2003: A COUPLE OF PEOPLE HAVE COMPLAINED that I am too hard on New Orleans and that I don't say enough about the Crescent City's considerable charms. Maybe it's because I don't like fried food enough, they seem to suggest. Maybe I was just not born to be wild enough, bartending makes me jaded because I have to see the worst of the drunks too often, I'm too broke to make most of the best music venues - the list goes on and on.

Admittedly, I'm not seeing the city under the best of circumstances. When some of its legend events take place, like Mardi Gras or JazzFest, I am usually working. Times that are festive for most people are times when I'm under the most stress and working the longest hours.... MORE




by CHARLIE THE TUNA

SAN FRANCISCO, CA, USA - It amazes me sometimes how full people are of dumb questions. "Charlie, can I grow up to be like you?" If you study the Tuna Philosophy religiously, anything is possible. Human beings could become as perfect a creation as the cockroache, too. "Charlie, what's it like macking 24 & 7?" Well, dumb shit, if you have to ask that kind of question you're probably still sitting in front of your computer reading this crap rather than boffing some frail. "Charlie, I think my old man is cheating on me. He always comes home smelling of perfume, but claims he was visiting a sick friend. What should I do?" Go out and see if you could buy a brain. Hospital vapors don't smell like Opium, Sweetie. I hope you're not shackin' up with this creep.

So this what Charlie the Tuna has decided to do, to supplement my classes for The Clueless among you, is offer you answers to your questions. Yes, I'm breaking down and answering your mail in this column ... MORE




by YOU

THE WORLD - From Lionel Rolfe, Los Angeles, CA, USA:

SUBJECT: ok, already, i owe you

but rod, i thought that you ran a few "ads" about my activities simply because i don't get paid when i write for you.

but i much appreciate it. i'm not sure how exactly i can repay you. it won't be money at this point. i certainly will write something about bulgaria when i get back and offer it to you. if i don't have a beautiful female domesticus, i can always offer you my spare bed for a bit.

if i'm editing something, i'd love to use your stuff. it's good. your whole publication is good.

wish me luck.
Lionel... MORE

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OTHER EDITIONS

THE PREVIOUS ISSUE: CYBER FISH WRAP
(THOMAS HART is back with the dish from Texas in TABLOID HART; MATTIE LENNON shares a ballad in IRISH EYES; and much more!)

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