I can hardly wait for the UFO's driven by Christ, navigated by Allah & engineered by Buddha to show up on Dec. 31, 23:59 GMT. Then I won't have to have guys like the one I met in TJ [Tijuana] offer me their daughter.

"Oh, are you a surfer?"

"Yah dude, I'm headed out to La Playas right now."

How did he know? Well I was looking at the Quicksilver Surf shop over there. So he figured it out. Everyone in Tijauna is an assumptive maketing specialist. Attempting to cajole you into ANYTHING they can possibly drum up for sale. That is the most common form of income. Besides offering me a woman, and some 'Mota', and some 'cocaheen', his electroplated silver on pot metaljewelry... This cat told me he had been there since the old days. He had once been a civil garbage guy. There is mucho more money in the con. Besides his wife left him in 78', she headed north for some agriculture work. Then he married a 15 year old. You know a woman "who can do as she is told".

Besides four Social Security numbers in San Diego county, and four P.O. Box's for the welfare office, and your American bought/insured car got "stolen" in Mexico there really is only THE SHAKEDOWN on which to get by.

If you go to "El Norte" on the up and up you gotta pay taxes...etc..etc... you know the drill.

Living in TJ can get you a nest egg for the future. Sure scam competition is stiff, but Americano's ees dum. And heh if you live long enough... you can move back down to southern Mexico a wealthy man.

No my friend TJ ain't cheap. All the prices are 'Exactamundo' like San Diego proper. Being in TJ takes as much as Calif to live. If you live here and your daughter needs a wedding dress from across the street - $XXX - and your socially required Catholic donation to the priest for services - $XXX (frikken' Vatican) - and you gotta set'em up with a respectable place to live - $XXX - and gifts...oh man it doesn't stop!

See, your kids are not pleased by tradition or culture, they watch MTV just like Americano kids. There IS no tradition in TJ, it's like LA/SF/NY. Image is everything, so breaking the law to maintain status is the economy...

I am a fiction writer, a story-teller.

It is a craft maybe older than the oldest - I suppose that the simple Neanderthal man wouldn't have come to the point that he would pay for love (Prostitution) with the odds-and-ends in his bag if he had not heard the story told by some frustrated lover who wasn't able to grab a Neanderthal woman and abduct her in his cave; but brilliance in fibbing about ones sexual life creates the best stories.

I was always thinking that it is much more funny to create your own world than to write about this one in which we are living. Maybe this world was created by God, but it is decidedly led by nuts.

In fact, I have been running away from non-fiction writing for all of my life.

I never know how to begin a non-fiction article. It is easy with the fiction; you have a beginning, middle and end.

Where is the beginning of the world I am living in?

Somebody could say that everything began with the Big Bang, but I don't have the cosmos on my mind.

On my mind is only the part of the Europe I am living in. I live in the former Czechoslovakia. The part of the world where it is brilliant when the wheel is round - everything else is a gift from the Lord.

I am a man who came from the former Yugoslavia. My poor motherland already forgot what the wheel was for a while.

Of course, Mr. Milosevic is one very discerning ruler and he will not allow the people of Yugoslavia to forget what the wheel is looking like. Right now (according to BBC World Service, confirmed by E-mails I have received tonight from Yugoslavia) he is refreshing people's knowledge about wheels with the enormous number wheels on the police vehicles on the streets of Belgrade, Novi Sad, Nis...

These are the same towns which took the most of beatings of the NATO Flying Circus a few months ago.

NATO bombarded those towns because they belong to a country led by Mr. Milosevic. Thus, Mr. Milosevic now sending his police forces to those towns because they are led by his opponents and their citizens are demonstrating looking for his demise seems an ironic justice...

( Now let's face it: Such bullshit as this couldn't pass in a fiction text. No Sir, it would be rejected even in an amateurish newsletter in the middle of nowhere.)