He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."

The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.

"On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."

"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.

"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." - Ann Bancroft

~~~ Life From a Women's Perspective: ~~~

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner".

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space...if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone male to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.


And from BOB POWERS:

Lest we forget...

Recently, Dan Quayle announced his intentions to run for President of the U.S. in 2000. Since the average attention span in the U.S. is about as long as the average sitcom, and since many younger voters may not have been watching the news when these were said the first time, we provide you with this list of famous Quayle quotes. Enjoy.

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." 8/11/89

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." 9/15/88

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things." 11/30/88

"I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future."

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."