G21 HUMOR

JOKE OF THE DAY

Today's Laughs Provided by:

Ric Williams

Austin, TX, USA

THE MACHINE Edition BARE KNUCKLES: JEFF WINBUSH disses The Nuclear Club, Television Programmers, ELLEN DEGENERES, Our Way of Life. What a way to kick-off our MACHINE edition! HOUSE OF CARDS has a new Joke of the Day from RIC WILLIAMS, Austin, TX. DON'T READ ME FIRST!: The Writer Returns... G21 WORDS: BOB POWERS remembers "Old Blue Eyes..." From The MOTHERS Edition PREMIERE!: Introducing CRUNCH-TIME, a new regular feature, Wally WORTS ON SPORTS. We think this one is going to be a hit! G21 WORDS: ROD AMIS looks at "Variations on The Theme." TRIO: Two types of Religion in America? That's what RAHEEM thinks his Mom taught him. "CHASM" PLANETARY MADNESS: Jennifer Blue looks at your upcoming week in the stars. LONDON CALLING!: FLISS USSHER talks about four types of mothers whom you may find familiar. Yet another update of Your VOX POPULI page! Sheesh, you people really love to send E-mail! BarnesandNoble SEARCH: If you're like us, you like good writing. Use the Barnes and Noble Search Engine page to find great savings on good books, delivered right to your home or office! For rapid response, use The Message Board HOME

WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $15,000.00 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars stink!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash anymore!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

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