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JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's Laughs Provided by:
Darryl Cox
Hershey, PA, USA
Version 4.0, Event #126
 G21 SPORTS: KO's CALLS. KRIS OLSON now has his own logo, an apologia, and a look at the week in Sports!
 ON DRUGS: ADAM J. SMITH exhorts us all to stick to our sense of rationalism during the coming $2 Billion Prohibitionist media blitz.
 TABLOID HART: has a whole lot going on! THOMAS HART dishes on the Boulder Colorado PD, Chuck Heston, the Weekly World News, and Toni Braxton. But that's not all: After reading the article, visit Tom's new TRAILER PARK, a place for chat, link listings, and even more of the Gossip & Innuendo you've grown to love.
And your HOUSE OF CARDS has another new JOKE OF THE DAY!
In DON'T READ ME FIRST! ROD AMIS gives the Ess Eff Valedictory he's been building up to for a week.
LAST WEEK'S EVENT
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Hey sports fans, read 'em and weep!
Sports quotes:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh
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"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -- Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996
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"You guys line up alphabetically by height." AND "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach
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Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
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Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
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Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my #%@# clothes."
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Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
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Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."
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Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
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1991 -Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
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1986 - Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."
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1991 - Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker."
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1991 - Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."
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