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JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's Laughs Provided by:
Bob Powers
Marietta, OH, USA
Version 4.0, Event #127
 G21 ASIA: Part One of ROD AMIS' reporting on the upcoming elections in Kampuchea(Cambodia): End or New Beginning for "The Killing Fields"?
 G21 DAY ONE: We go DAILY again, with a revolving column of insights, intuition, and inspiration. TODAY: NATHAN BLACK on The Squealers.
YOUR HOUSE OF CARDS has another new JOKE OF THE DAY!
 FAX NIKITA: PREMIERE! G21 promised more surprises. Now check out our compendium of the bizarre AND the interesting.
 QUEER PLANET: PHIL MARTIN catalogues the people he'll have to save a seat for other than U.S. SENATOR TRENT LOTT when he says, "I'll See YOU in Hell."
 ON DRUGS: ADAM SMITH, Barry McCaffrey's favorite writer, reports on how the U.S. Drug Czar insulted our European allies this week and shot himself in both feet.
 TABLOID HART: THOMAS HART takes in the Jerry Springer Show, and delivers more of the dish. But that's not all: After reading the article, visit Tom's new TRAILER PARK, a place for chat, link listings, and even more of the Gossip & Innuendo you've grown to love.
 G21 SPORTS: KO's CALLS. KRIS OLSON on Marv Albert, Mike Tyson, Justin Rose and Predictions.
In DON'T READ ME FIRST! ROD AMIS' first Publisher's Note from sweltering Santa Rosa, CA.
Drop into the G21-WEBTRIPS Satellite Network for great animated cartoons. (28.8 Modem or Faster Recommended.)
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A horse and a chicken were playing in a meadow. The horse fell into a mud hole and was sinking. He called to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out.
The chicken ran to the farm but the farmer couldn't be found. So the chicken drove the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and tied some rope around the bumper. He threw the other end of the rope to the horse and drove the car forward and saved the horse from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab my penis and pull yourself up." The chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
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Leaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife." the first complained. "I turn off the car's engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You got the wrong technique my friend." his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say 'How about a little ?' She always pretends to be asleep.
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The manager hired a new secretary. she was young, sweet, and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said "Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door was open."
He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention."
The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffle bags!"
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A man is walking by an insane asylum and hears all the residents chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about all this, he finds a hole in the fence, looks in and someone pokes him in the eye.
Everyone in the asylum starts chanting "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
********
A guys goes in a bar and orders a beer. After a while this really gorgeous woman walks in and sits beside him. He starts thinking about talking her into bed with him and kindly turns to her: " Hi. Would you like me to buy you a drink?"
The woman turns to him and screams to the top of her lungs: "WHAT? YOU WANT TO FUCK ME? NO WAY!"
Every discussion in the bar suddenly stops and all the people are staring at the guy as the woman was leaving. The guy gets really embarrassed and stands still on his stool as if nothing had happened.
After a while the same woman walks in, approaches him and tells him: "I'm sorry about that little incident but you see I'm a Psychology graduate and I wanted to see how people react to embarrassing situations."
The guy then yells: "WHAT? TWO HUNDRED BUCKS FOR A BLOWJOB?"
*********
One day when the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face.
Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.
The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one.
Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
******
LIFESAVERS
A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons thru sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.
Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons, and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey-flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time."
Instantly, one of the children spit the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"
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