COVER -> MY GLASS HOUSE
I was in my bathrobe.
"Wow. Sorry to wake you up from your depressive sleep on a beautiful, sunny Friday afternoon," he said.
"Come on up," I said.
He wasted no time in starting in on me. "You know what? You're breakin' my heart. Look at you. You're killing yourself!"
"Lay off, will you?"
"NO. I won't. When I talked to you last night on the phone, I realized what the real problem is! You are allowing yourself to be eaten alive by psychic vampires."
FEED THE HUNGRY. You can help someone else in this world and IT WON'T COST YOU A DIME. If you simply remember to drop by The Hunger Site every day that you surf and click a simple button ONE LESS PERSON WILL GO HUNGRY. The food is distributed by the United Nations World Food Programme and paid for through the sponsorship of companies that care. Do your part.
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"You work your damned butt off, and then what do you do? You send all your damned money off to losers and goldbricks all over the world. So-and-so needs to send his girlfriend to *****, doesn't have two sou, as you said. What's he do? Have Rod send him a check.
"Can you afford to go to *****?!? Hell, no! 'Cause he's got your money.
"Joe Blow needs to support the habits of his lovely young wife. What's he do? Lay a sob story on Rod about his writing isn't selling. You send him a check. Meanwhile, where's you're lovely young wife, Rod?
"Am I getting through to you? These people ARE NOT your FRIENDS!! They are killing you. When is the last time any one of them sent you a dime, Daddy Warbucks?
"And you know what? When you die, they won't have time to be your damned pall-bearers because they will be too busy looking for another chump to bleed dry.
"Meanwhile, those of us who were your real friends, who treasured you as a writer, will be carrying your casket and crying about what a fool you were. Don't you see that?"
The onslaught was a little much. I was still waking up. And, yes, I felt as weak as a kitten. I hadn't eaten since Tuesday. "Maybe, you're right," I muttered.
"I know you care about writers," Reality Check said. "I respect that. But people pay to publish what you have to say because you have something important to say. People would pay these people, too, if they would write for the market.
"Rod, it is not your responsibility to make sure every writer on the six inhabited continents gets money. You'll kill yourself trying. YOU ARE KILLING YOURSELF TRYING! And it's not fair to those of us who love you."
"You're right. I know."
"Look at you," Reality Check said. "You're losing weight. You look exhausted and you just woke up. When's the last time you ate?"
"Tuesday."
"Jeez! And you like food! What are you trying to do? Teach yourself to stop doing everything you like?"
I couldn't answer.
"Look, man," he said. "I know I have been coming on strong. But I think it's about time someone did. You are letting yourself be used by these people.
"Put your damned checkbook away. Let them take responsibility for their own lives, their girlfriends, their inability to work for a living. Name one of them who came to your aid when you were down and out. Can you?"
I couldn't answer.
"Surely there is a sign in that for those with understanding."
Okay, I screwed up. I put my trust in someone who couldn't even leave with dignity. [See Vox Populi.] Again, I have to ask, "Who knew?" I thought it would be good thing to have someone else edit G21. Forgive me.
But now I'm back. I'll never mention leaving again.
One of the first things I had to do was get rid of their dreary black cover. Hey, I like things light. It's Spring after all. And a butterfly does fit better than a wolf, doesn't it?
I'm still going through changes, as the foregoing certainly evidences. As my pal Yona says, it's easier for me to take care of other people than take care of myself... It's a struggle to change that.
My buddy RC is right: I need to stop it. I would actually have some money now if I wasn't sending it off all over the world.
I could invest some of it in the G21 if I wasn't being such a Soft Touch.
I'm ready to start.
I was thinking Saturday morning that I have the choice to stop being the Black Woody Allen and go back to being the Black Errol Flynn. "In like Flynn." That has a good sound to it.
Again, again, I'm thinking that I should be the hero in this movie.
Oh. Oh wait! I didn't explain the "Ghost Who Walks" thang, did I?
Here's the deal: When I was in college, working on my thesis, I would write through the night, then make a pot of coffee and go to the Science library at Wesleyan and sit in a cubicle all day researching more stuff.
I was taking white crosses to keep me awake.
My house mates decided that I was like the character, "The Phantom." The Ghost Who Walks.
No one ever saw me sleep for months at a time.
I expected to graduate magna, but because of a feud between myself and Franklin Reeve (father of Christopher Reeve --- yeah, THAT Christopher Reeve) I ended up summa. Jerk!
Meanwhile, both my Calvinist and Hebrew University advisors thought I had written ground-breaking work.
Oh yeah, I didn't mention I was Religion major, did I?
NEW LOOK
I have to tip my hat to Jules Siegel for inspiring our new cover. The more I worked on it, the more I liked it. Of course, being an old code warrior, I eliminated a lot of the code-bloat that Jules' example from Microsoft FrontPage included. Sleek is my middle name.Let me know what you think about it, please. Vielen Dank!
THINGS THAT BOTHER ME THIS WEEK
1. My loss of appetite. This has got to end.2. How much the healthcare system in this country SUCKS!!!
3. Still waiting for my laptop to be delivered. Hello!
4. Love life? What's that?
5. And you want me to send you how much money?
Thanks for coming back this week.
"Work like you don't need the money,
"Love like you've never been hurt,
"Dance like no one is watching..."
Rod
ROD AMIS has published this magazine since 1990. It first appeared as a hardcopy 'Zine. In March, 1996, he launched it here on the Web. Rod was a Contributing Editor at Suite101.com, where he wrote the " 'Net Publishing" feature. His work has been featured in the San Francisco Bay Guardian Online, NRV8, and at WebLab's Reality Check site. Rod was also a contributing writer on technology for Faulkner Information Services.
Rod was a columnist for the Andover News Network, where he wrote over two hundred articles on web design and development issues. He is principal writer and Editor for IT Manager's Journal, where he reviews technology issues weekly. His opinions on the Info Age began appearing on MethodFive's HYPER technology newsletter in March. 1999. He became the Managing Editor for Electronic Mail/Newsletter Publications at Andover.net at the end of February, 2000.
Our Editor does listen!