COVER -> MY GLASS HOUSE
They invited me to Happy Hour at a club in Larkspur, over the Richmond bridge in Marin county, where Julia would be in attendance. I was not that impressed, she tended to dress rather doutily, in my estimation, and she was short. I've never been very impressed by short women.
I think the first time I ever felt any interest in Julia at all was weeks later when she and George and I met at the Olive Garden in Richmond, near where I lived. She was quite flirtatious (with George; he was married and thus "safe") and made some comment along the lines that most men couldn't "handle" her because she was so challenging and independent.
How better to get a man's interest than say you're hard for men to handle?
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Neither of us was involved with anyone, but I couldn't decided if I was really attracted to her or not. Like I said, I don't find myself that attracted to short women. Julia has to be all of four foot eight. But she looks like a little elf. She is well-read. George kept saying, "Come on! She's smart and stubborn... just like you."
Julia was Administrative Assistant to the CEO of her company. But she complained about him a lot.
She lost her job and asked me for help. I was doing okay at the newspaper I then worked for and I was working on a novel about romantic betrayals. So I asked her to edit my novel. She accepted.
Now we were in even closer proximity, week in and week out, and I started to appreciate her sense of humor, her sarcasm, her insight.
Still...
It was not until the holidays, when I went off to Bermuda to visit my family, and then went to Manhattan for New Year's Eve to visit my friend Steve Bland, that I started taking the notion of Julia and me seriously.
And I was learning that Steve was dying of AIDS. I took care of his cat, Callas (after opera singer Maria Callas) and worried.
On New Year's Eve, after going to a party with my theater friend, Bob Arcaro, I called Julia to wish her happy New Year and talk to her about our beginning to date. She was drinking champagne with her best friend, Beth --- yes, the Beth she would later introduce me to and who would become my lover --- and the first thing she said was:
"And guess what? I have good news! I've found a guy. His name is Walt and he is fabulous!"
Oh well.
I think about all this because Julia and I had one of our many fights this weekend. We have had them intermittently over the years. This one made us both angrier than usual. She was so angry she starting screaming at me through the telephone. I was so angry I hung up on her.
Our fights usually have to do with our assessments of each other's personalities. When I think about it, it's difficult for me to understand why Julia has stayed in contact with me for these ten years. We have so many reasons *not* to like each other.
She too often reminds me of my mother, and I remind her of some man she has known who'll she'll never tell me about.
She was angry when her best friend, Beth, and I became involved and castigated us both because neither of us called her or saw her when we were involved. She would joke, "I didn't introduce the two of you so that I could lose my two best friends. I kept thinking you'd come up for air at some point!"
But we didn't. Strangely, Beth and I developed a large circle of friends that didn't include Julia. We didn't see her at all until we threw our Halloween party. I'm not sure why.
Well, I take that back. I think it happened after we went hiking with Julia and Walt. I didn't particularly take to Walt. And Beth and I were both very involved with our careers and each other...
I've been trying to deal lately with the fact that I have always been a man whose life is intimately tied up in friendships with women.
Besides the love affairs, I have had deep, abiding, affecting friendships with women. I have had to deal with friendships, like this turbulent one with Julia, that have led to relationships or destroyed them.
Julia and I had our fight during a very difficult time for me. From a distance, I was dealing with a crisis within my surrogate family in Texas. I was on the phone every day for three days trying to provide support and guidance.
Julia took an accusatory tone about what I was doing. She said I should not be worrying about events in Texas when I have problems of my own. And I, again, demanded to know what gave her the right to judge my life or my relationships. That's when I, angrily, said she reminded me of my mother. That when she started to scream that she had never misled me or promised me anything.
Because of my father, I have always tended to "shut down" emotionally when confronted with violent anger. I back away from the situation. I become numb. That's what I did on Saturday night. Then, I hung up the telephone.
THINGS THAT BOTHER ME THIS WEEK
1. Concerns about my "family" in Texas.2. How much the healthcare system in this country SUCKS!!!
3. Watching my stock options become "Confederate money.."
4. Trying to decide if I should go back "home" to California.
5. My mammoth tax bill.
Thanks for coming back this week.
"Work like you don't need the money,
"Love like you've never been hurt,
"Dance like no one is watching..."
Rod
ROD AMIS has published this magazine since 1990. It first appeared as a hardcopy 'Zine. In March, 1996, he launched it here on the Web. Rod was a Contributing Editor at Suite101.com, where he wrote the " 'Net Publishing" feature. His work has been featured in the San Francisco Bay Guardian Online, NRV8, and at WebLab's Reality Check site. Rod was also a contributing writer on technology for Faulkner Information Services.
Rod was a columnist for the Andover News Network, where he wrote over two hundred articles on web design and development issues. He is principal writer and Editor for IT Manager's Journal, where he reviews technology issues weekly. His opinions on the Info Age began appearing on MethodFive's HYPER technology newsletter in March. 1999. He became the Managing Editor for Electronic Mail/Newsletter Publications at Andover.net at the end of February, 2000.
Our Editor does listen!