We've got other great events in the other two rings of this show for you this week, too, of course! BOB POWERS not only spins some new CDs, he even recommends a film. KEVIN CAREY completes his 3-part consideration of the Arts this week. And the rest of The Usual Suspects continue to perform at the level you would expect.

I trust you'll enjoy reading this edition as much as I did designing and editing it. Drop me an e-mail and let me know.

Man! I spent a fortune on long distance telephone calls this month! No lie.

You can always tell that's the case when your LD provider sends you a brief note that reads:

Yo, Dude! Do you know how much you're gonnah owe us when you get your next bill? We sure hope it was worth it, Brother Man. Whassup! You not plannin' on skippin' town on our asses are you? We used to you bein' free with the Benjamins, but this is an all-time record, even for you.

Lookahere, if you need to talk about us just call this 888 number right now...

There was no reason to make the call. I knew what I was doing. I hadn't talked to Pam in thirty years; we had a lot of catching up to do -- and she could carry the story to our high school reunion. I needed to check in with Fliss in London, and Barbara and I have a routine. (It's her turn to carry the ball now that I'm a freelancer, of course.) Then there was my sister-in-law in Bermuda, Rudell, and family issues to catch up on now that I have time to think about The Real World. I spoke with Kevin Carey, again in the UK, before he flew off to Australia.

Is it my fault that lots of the people I know live outside of the United States? Ask my long distance provider. I don't suspect they'll complain about taking my money.

The Good News of this week was a nice e-mail from my pals Dee and Brian Hughes, who live in Nova Scotia, asking if I would be interested in a new writing sinecure. ("Oh, hell no, guys! Why would I want to write anywhere?")

The Brit connection again. It seems that my friends in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the UK, appreciate that I understand "realise" is not an incorrect spelling, that I get chuffed about things, and that I try to suss out the meanings. Heh!

AND my brother is flying over from Bermuda today. He will be here in Baltimore this evening. We share the dubious distinction of both being the oldest son, as my parents were both twice-married. He is the oldest of my mother's first marriage and I of the second. I have always found it odd being the second first-born. What is most odd to me is that I know I have *another* older brother who was the first-born of my father's first marriage, as well, who I shall probably NEVER meet... I may tell him about that tonight. We'll see.

Being the first-born in what-I-considered my immediate family was certainly strange enough. Like most first-borns, I carried The Weight and brunt. I had to be an over-achiever. You would think that both my parents would have learned to mitigate that curse after their first marriages, but such was not the case. I was cut no slack...

Love Stories

"Married," she said.

Two qualifiers:

1. In my case, the correct phrase would be "Married again," and
   
   
2. I was flummoxed that anyone would still consider me, clearly an inveterate bachelor (if you've followed this saga of loves lost,) as having ANY marriage potential.

Which brings us to the tale(s) of women I almost married.

The first was Gail, the suicidal. She was having a messy divorce. I've told you about her. She and her son shared my flat on Burr Avenue in Middletown, Connecticut, after Sal & Mardi and Mady left. I was in my early twenties then. It was a good thing she voluntarily committed herself to the mental hospital and freed me of the obligation. She became fodder for a a couple of my detective novels.

I haven't mentioned Sherry, though. With good reason. She is one of probably two of the women I've been with who was completely blameless. As you know, I prefer "bent-coins." And I idolize the women who have cut me to the quick at least once. Sherry was neither of these.

Well, wait... I should qualify that. Some people would consider Sherry a bent coin. Sherry had been a prostitute before we met. But she had gotten out of The Life. (Some people would say that was why she was so devoted. I don't know.) I met her in my mid-twenties. She was five or six years older than me. She had moved to the East Coast from Ypsilanti, Michigan. She was in Social Work then.

I remember that everything about our relationship was wonderful for the first nine months. Then we had a bad argument about something. I picked up my car keys and drove off.

The next evening, over dinner, she said to me: "You went to see one of your other women last night, didn't you?"

I didn't lie to her.

"Well, I've always known you could do that. You've lived here longer than I. But now that's behind us, isn't it?"

That was all it took to turn me. I never cheated on her again.

You see, in the strange psychology of the dog, knowing that your woman is loyal, no matter what your transgressions, alleviates the need for transgression. Unconditional loyalty is such a rare commodity.

So why didn't I marry her? Good question.

I guess it wasn't my time yet. I was destined to go off to California to seek Henry Miller's blessing. I was destined to meet Deb in Texas.

Sherry wrote me two years after our break-up, after I had moved to Texas, and told me that she wanted me back. She said that I was the best man she had ever known. She said that all those little things, the flowers, the unexpected gifts, things she had taken for granted about me, now seemed like miracles compared to what she found with those who followed.

But I was already gone. I was asking Debbie how I could gracefully exit an affair I was having with a married woman, as a prelude to getting involved with her...

CONFESSION: Reading about these complicated relationships of mine, you might use a word like "cavalier." It's a word that has always chafed me. But underlying each and every one of these stories is my largest fear: abandonment. The fear of being abandoned --- and if you have been, the word that naturally follows is "again" --- drives every move you make, even IF you find yourself feeling comfortable.

THINGS THAT I LOVE THIS WEEK

Rod was a columnist for the Andover News Network, where he wrote over two hundred articles on web design and development issues. He was also principal writer and Editor for IT Manager's Journal, where he reviewed technology issues weekly. He became the Managing Editor for Electronic Mail/Newsletter Publications at Andover.net at the end of February, 2000. He is now a contributing writer for ACCESS magazine.

He lives in Baltimore, MD, at the moment (though it seems to most people he *actually* lives on the Web,) edits the writing of people from six continents for The World's Magazine, and wonders who The Last Woman will be in his "spare time." Rumor has it he is considering moving to Tahiti and writing about what the world was like before he left...

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