28 JANUARY, 2001 - I'd like to be entertaining, for those few of you who come to my page, every week. But I can't always accomplish that lofty goal. Some weeks I'm just burnt toast.

I've been caught up in thinking back again. This morning I was thinking about my first girlfriend in college. She was from Cuba. It was another one of those situations where the woman just picked me. I was clueless as all get out. She noticed that I liked to play chess, so she asked me to teach her to play. It was a total ruse. I soon learned that she already knew the game and was a match for my own skills. By then, of course, we were involved. She was a pistol.

As you might expect, things didn't go well. She dumped me.

It wasn't my fault. Another guy who was hot for her interceded and bad-mouthed me to her. The humorous part of the whole episode was that I was still a virgin. Everything he told her about me was lies, but she took his word over mine. This all happened while I was out of town, to boot. I came back and didn't have a girlfriend anymore.

In retrospect (ah! the beauty of hindsight!) it kills me that I should lose a woman because she believed I was a dog while I was still a virgin. At least she could have waited until I actually became a real dog, yes?

So what I did, what I have tended to do all my life, is work out my anger through competitive (and often combative) sports. I took a course in fencing.

This shouldn't surprise long-term readers, fencing is a Rod kind of sport. Not sabres, though. I felt sabre was too crude. I went for the foil. I like the precise and swift movement toward the kill.

As it turned out, my best partner was a woman. She was the only other fencer who didn't back down from my aggression. Most of the men in the class were easily overcome by my intense ferocity and speed, but this woman was equally fast and she was fearless. My best moves left her unfazed. It was a pleasure fencing with her. She'd bring me to a sweat with her own assaults --- and that was what I wanted!

Fencing, of course, is a dance. A dance of death, yes, but also of speed and grace. Before the point-strike, there are nuances. Within the thrust and parry you can guage the mettle of your opponent. It's a wonderful dance which I miss in my more sedentary life now.

And that woman, whose name I no longer remember, was a worthy challenger. I began to look forward to facing her in combat.

I thought, ruminating this morning, that it has been since I left Manhattan that I have even taken my darts from their case: my competitive impulse again. I used darts for may years to get that combative, aggressive impulse out of my system. When I was captain of a dart team in northern California, I made the double-one ("snake-eyes") my "out." The symbolism was that I was a killer. I cannot express the pure joy I felt when racing down the board, past the easy outs like double twenty, double sixteen, etc. to "finish" my opponent on double one! It was the ultimate.

I miss that.

At least one person has said that the best line I've ever written is,

"You haven't lived until you've been emotionally damaged..."

But, for sure, I'm something of an expert on the walking wounded. You carry your heart on your sleeve the way I do and you can't help but be that kind of expert. This week it felt like it was catching up with me, again. I slept more than usual and thought, "Oh-oh!" I was firmly committed to not having another visit from the Black Dog. And the last place I wanted a reservation in again was Hotel Darkness.

I'm gratified that some of you enjoyed my coverage of the Bush inaugural last week. I don't do much reporting here anymore, busy as I am being a journalist for my Day Job. I often wonder about my chops any longer.... So thanks for your kind words.

In This Issue

Ask me why Rod is tired?

GO PLAY!

THINGS I NEED THIS WEEK

Rod was a columnist for the Andover News Network, where he wrote over two hundred articles on web design and development issues. He was also principal writer and Editor for IT Manager's Journal, where he reviewed technology issues weekly, producing 383 editorials. He became the Managing Editor for Electronic Mail/Newsletter Publications at Andover.net at the end of February, 2000, and left in September of the same year. He is now a contributing writer for ACCESS magazine, which appears both on- and offline for 10 million readers in 100 newspapers like the San Francisco Chronicle, New York Post, Boston Herald, Austin American-Statesman, Denver Post and Orlando Sentinel, among others. In January, 2001, Rod became the US reporter for Silicon.com, a division of Network Multimedia Television in London, UK, reaching 3.5 million European readers.

Rod lives in dreams and visions, edits the writing of people from six continents for The World's Magazine, and wonders if New Orleans is actually the next stop on the hejira.

He continues to be committed to integrity, chastity and a dose of humility.

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