COVER -> MY GLASS HOUSE
31 March, 2001 - My friend Rico thought the best thing to do was send me a poem. The final version of it reads like this:
"the meat of the matter"for my journalist friends on the frontlines of destiny
a man on a hill watching the herd of humanity fork around his island of solitude
the herd heading for a blood red horizon is he the point
the home guard
a last flower fading,
his visionary seeds
spent on the dry dust
of indifferent history
a grand vista of shining river valleys, purple mountains the thrum of the
marching crowd
a smoke rising
bombs or a hearth
children running
tigers or butterflies
the old tales softening
the clapping of hands
an execution
an invitation to the feast
feast of fools
feast of plenty
the man stands, old man on the mountain now what fires has he seen
what fires his vision
what does he bring down
what dare he bring up
or will he just sit waiting
for all the dust to settle
his body a star
drawing
the hunger of ants
trooping
relentlessly toward a lost jerusalem© 2001 Richard Lance Williams
When you consider that my friend got his Ph.D in Mythology, or that we have been talking about dreams and reality, the Buddha and independent achievement during the past week, it makes more sense. It is the kind of paean made to make me think about this long affinity of mine with heroes. It is a counterpoint to LLOYD MORCOM's article on "The Demise of Triumphant Will" this week.
After all, who better to point to as an exemplar of that old belief in triumphant will than I? I went to Egypt on my belief in the vision of Alexander, called The Great, who believed that the world could be unified under an enlightened vision that national and ethnic differences were insignificant. Look at where it got Alexander.
AND it makes sense that I should so seriously consider walking away from this effort this week, too.
I have opened a window to the world's suffering.The first filter, if you will, that information goes through is myself. So I pile more suffering upon that which I must experience as a poor Black man in America -- as if I didn't have my fair share already.
Worse yet, I promulgate the notion that all of our suffering can be fixed if we each of us decided to show a little more compassion and love. Look where that kind of message got the Buddha and others like him.
As Ric will be the first to tell you, because I believe in the heroic mystery, rather than Buddhism, the Buddha is not high on my list of examples for life. The idea of self-abnegation (which I practice daily, of course!) rubs me the wrong way. Heh!
I also don't accept the idea of embracing "nothingness." I consider that a sophistic argument that is just the other side of nihilism.
A strong counter-argument is, what has my embrace of the world, this window, provided for me other than increased pain and suffering on a personal level? Good argument. I buy it.
Well, as my friend JENNIFER BLUE has pointed out, increased self-expression, something my artistic nature demands. And community. Those have both been valuable and enriching spiritually, if not financially.
The contact with other writers "laboring in these vineyards" as one person wrote to MAX ADAMS this week has been invaluable, too, as a source of support for performing a task so little valued in this country.
My friend DRAGANA VICANOVICH suggested in an e-mail today that I should change my life altogether and move to Europe. Her romantic idea was that I have an "old soul," as others have suggested, and that my appreciation of history and the ancient world does not fit in with the mall culture of America. She could be right. But, as I responded, there I'd have a new set of difficulties, of language, of the ethnic in-fighting and anti-immigrant sentiment that I fear will lead to a new European conflagration, of culture itself.
I could probably live in Europe, particularly Eastern Europe, for a third of what it costs me here in the States, but none of those other qualifying difficulties would go away.
The life challenge is how to keep this magazine and myself going. We shall see.
THINGS I PONDER THIS WEEK
1. Keeping the energy to produce this magazine.2. Answering the riddle presented by The Mystery.
3. Actions to be taken to find a new girlfriend.
4. Getting my publisher to pay me what's owed.
Thanks for coming back this week.
"Work like you don't need the money,
"Love like you've never been hurt,
"Dance like no one is watching..."
Rod
Our Editor does listen!