COVER -> MY GLASS HOUSE
27 April, 2001 - The confusion about what day this column would come out this past week had everything to do with my own personal confusion these days. I had meant to make Thursday's update the last for this edition, but I simply wasn't up to it. (Readers of RDR will have noted that already.)
While trying to regain my own life, you see, I have been mired in its inconsistences. Tough circumstances demanding my attention and the looming deadline of my escape from this benighted burgh have distracted me from the tasks at hand. Money worries sap my soul. Finally, around Wednesday, I found myself throwing up my hands. It was as if I were lying down on the surface of the ocean of life and just letting the on-coming waves buffet me for awhile.
And buffeting has been the order of the week.
Monday, I visited my landlord to deliver the official letter that I would be leaving Baltimore and this apartment in mid-May, as I've found a young woman to take over the remainder of my lease. Wednesday I appeared in court for the formality of having a judgment made against me. Today I *finally* got a wire transfer from my publisher in London --- BUT it was a partial payment of the outstanding balance. Then, this morning, even as I was smarting over that, I receive a phone call from London. The Editor-in-Chief was letting me know that the company had entered into a long-term agreement with Reuters, so correspondents like myself would no longer be needed. I asked him to look into when the remainder of my the outstanding balance (over $1000.00) would be paid.
Gasp!
So now I'm a statistic, again. I still have the consulting work I'm doing for the one client in California, but that's about it. It's not regular, predictable or guaranteed. I like the guy I'm dealing with a lot, he's an old friend. But we're talking a start-up here with a technology that could be revolutionary or could be also-ran, too-late-to-market, or ephemeral... Hmmn.
I've gotten a collection of boxes now, but I wonder about my plants. I could leave them with someone or I could let them go and buy new ones when I "land."
I don't know where I'm going to live next.
The young lady who will soon occupy this apartment came by yesterday to see how much of my worldly belongings --- from dishes to appliances like the air conditioner --- I am willing to sell off. Glass House.
DESTINATION: Anywhere
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have no particular flower in mind on which to alight. I'm even considering leaving the United States altogether. The door is completely open now but I can't see through it...
There is always California, of course, as my dear friends there miss no opportunity to remind me. I'm working to overcome my mental block about returning there. It's been three years since I was last there, after all...
I dreamt, last night, about being sent to Hawaii. I've never been there. I was working with a woman who was very absorbed in her work, very passionate about it; we were doing a research project and she seemed to believe that I was a valuable new asset to her team. I thought she was over-estimating my talents and skills.
Ric advises:
ignorance and desire.
second noble truth.
separation from desire.
separation from means to achieve desire.
separation from knowledge.
i don't know, the best answer plato ever came up with.
everything is transient. now here. nowhere. what don't you want? take away
everything that doesn't look like that. or cast your fate to the
winds--adventure, choose the i don't know of sailors and young lovers, of
all brave new worlds.
What does that mean exactly? Damned if I know. Before that he sent me this:
and the next place I'll be is...where I take me
take me there
to where I am
most me
to where I am
most ready to become
being me
(I think he's working on being oracular as well as poetic these days.) Me, I'm just working on being ready for the buffet of the next wave from this tempestuous ocean I find myself lying down on.
I guess you could say I have reached the winter of my soul, even as the spring of the earth bursts all around me. I have no plan. I have options, yes, but no plan. I am waiting for Destiny to takes its course with me.
ABOUT THE MAGAZINE
This will continue, of course, as my personal saga continues to unfold. That's why this is my Glass House, after all.Right now, I expect that our last edition from the United States, for the time being, will come out on Friday, 11 May. After that, I'll complete my packing, store those things I mean to keep, and begin the first leg of the new hejira. You can expect the first editon after my journey to appear around 18 or 19 May. Mark your calendars.
Thereafter, you can expect the usual "interim" schedule of thrice weekly to kick back in until 4 June. That will be the last edition from Bermuda. Expect the first edition from ???? to appear around 10 June. (I'll update you if this changes.)
Keep me in your prayers, Kids. And continue to visualize a paradise for me.
THINGS ON MY AGENDA THIS WEEK
1. Packing.2. Selling as much of my stuff as people are willing to take off my hands. Cheap!
3. Getting my (former) publisher to pay me what's owed.
Thanks for coming back this week.
"Work like you don't need the money,
"Love like you've never been hurt,
"Dance like no one is watching..."
Rod
Our Editor does listen!