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The Pinnacle of Interactivity

by FELICITY USSHER

G21 Staff Writer

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"Hi there, lover!" "You're in a good mood." "I feel so happy! And you know why? I've been thinking about this, and for the first time ever, it feels like I've got a part to play in the every-day life of society!" "Oh please. Do calm down."
SECURE TRANSACTIONS INTERACTIVITY @E-MARKETING COMPETITIVENESS	"I used to keep myself to myself, and never tell anyone except you about all the geeky gear I was collecting. But now I'm so extrovert I get sent personalised sales brochures through the post!" "I wouldn't take that to mean social acceptance. They're only trying to make money off you." "But that's what's so great - my somewhat eccentric tastes have finally become an acceptable part of the economy. Like this jungle camoflague dressing gown you find me in today." He rustled the fabric provocatively. "No-one sells them in the shops - I used to have to nick them from R&R army camps. But this took just fifteen minutes to find on the Web this morning - and the Swedish Reserves are going to send me all their latest models." "And encourage more wierdos to express themselves?" "Weirdos? The word means nothing any more. Everyone is indulging their fruitcake tendencies on the Internet these days, you should take a look. And the more eccentric you are, the more distinct your marketing profile - and so the more discounts and special offers you get sent! "You forget it's my money you're spending here." "Well you never spend it." "No. I earn it." "Well, there you go. It makes me happy. I make you happy. Do you want some dinner? I've made some Caesar salad." "So the marketing databases are your new friends, are they? Should I be jealous?" "Of course not. All that I have is your's. You needn't worry about my personal data getting into the wrong hands - even the delicious, scrumptious bits and bytes that you can just about see when I lift up the gown ..." "You used to worry." "Did I?" "Yes, you said it was an abuse of your fundamental rights to be sent anything you hadn't specifically asked for." "OK, but that was before the new EU data protection laws went through." "My my. I can see how they bought you off." "It's not all driven by big corporations, you know, There are lots of little start-ups selling really cool stuff online." "And reaping huge profits for Visa and Mastercard with every sale." "Why are you so down on this? I admit it, I used to insist the information age was forced onto individuals by businesses wanting to make profits. And in a way it was. But things have moved on since then. There are enough people online now that I can buy whatever I want in the world in fifteen minutes flat - without ridicule. It's like being welcomed into society - I feel like I could even start a conversation with a man in a pub!" "I'm not going to let you chat up any other men dressed like that. Far too much leg." "It was a figure of speech. But come on, John, why are you so down on this?" "Because, as you know full well, I am an employee of a limited company."
"What difference does that make?" "I'm the working half of this partnership. You're the consumer. It used to be a good, natural balance - but these days there's no pride in it for me. I'm afraid you're the fucker and I'm screwed, if that's not mixing my metaphors." "What?" "What helps you, hinders me." "But that's so simplistic! What would you do without me? I thought you liked me to show off what you earn?" "It's not you I object to - it's this fucking information technology. That wondrous technology which gives you so much choice and flexibility and social validation. It's making my life a nightmare." "Oh. So you don't mind me being around?" "Of course not. You're my soul, my outlet, my flamboyance." "Thank God. But I don't understand what's happened. I thought things had got better since they did that automated monitoring thing at work." "Well, I do churn out more papers than I used to." "That must boost the job satisfaction." "It did at first, but it was only novelty value. Now I'm just working harder. But look, there's no need for you to worry about it. I'm done for the day. We're into your time now." "But you're sad!" "So cheer me up. Give us a twirl of that extravagent dressing gown and get me my dinner." "I will, I will. But can I just say, just quickly, I thought the whole point of monitoring was to set more realistic targets for everyone?" "See, it's quite clear you don't understand." "So explain it to me!" "But the harder I work, the more I need to keep you separate from the office and all the hell that's in it. Don't you see? If I talk about work with you, my love, it's like I've lost my life." "John. I'm here to help you enjoy yourself, so sit down and tell me what's wrong." He sits down. "It's dreadful. I've never felt so stressed. Everything I do is monitored - my rate of work, my trips to the toilet, my Web surfing. I live in constant fear of being branded an under-performer." "What happens to them?" "Oh God. It depends on your manager. If you're lucky, you get a training session to get you up to scratch. But in my department, the figures get posted on the wall, like they do for the sales team. Profit, profit, profit. That's all they care about. I'd transfer to the public sector, only I've heard it's just as bad there." "Don't they realise it's not helping the company to put staff under this much stress, you poor old sausage?" "The stupid ones don't, no. And if you make a mistake, the boss tells you off by email and cc's the whole company so they can learn from your mistake. Can you imagine the humiliation?" "I read in a magazine that collaborative working was ever so much more creative." He stroked his hair, gently. "Yeah, I send suggestions to management and they ignore them." "And you can joke with colleagues online when you'd normally be staring at your screen in silence." "That's right." "So it's not all bad." "I suppose not. One good thing is I've started cc'ing my boss whenever I've got to make a tough decision - so it's not my fault when it all goes wrong. Let him get deluged by the minutiae of detail, so his head throbs and he can't remember what the hell he's doing from one minute to the next." "Passing the buck?" "Yeah, it's the only way to cope." "It's wierd, isn't it? I've been so much happier recently." "And I've been feeling suicidal." "You don't think I.T. will drive us apart?" "It does in people who go it alone, you know, the ones who combine consumer and employee in a single life. Two days as one, five as the other. You must have seen them in the bars. Their only happiness is to develop two separate personalities - one who works and the other who plays." "That sounds like us." "Yes, but imagine it in a single person. You'd spend all your energy neutralising yourself, and where would that leave you? In a great big void, unless you were very careful." "Whereas we don't neutralise, we nurture." "That's right. What a wonderful thought. Two gay guys at the pinnacle of human development. Now here's my final word on that dressing gown. There's too much leg showing, which makes it strictly bedroom only. So get in there, you beauty. We'll save dinner for later."	GLOBAL COMMUNITY THINKING DIFFERENTLY THEY HAVE STOLEN YOUR MEMORIES. THERE IS NO HISTORY. THIS IS WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE TODAY. "DAVE... "DAVE... "WHATARE YOU DOING, DAVE?"

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