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War on The Web

by Adam J. Smith

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A study released last Sunday at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association found that nearly six percent of Internet users suffer from symptoms of addiction. The six-percent figure closely parallels the percentage of alcohol or illicit drug users who find themselves hooked. David Greenfield, the researcher who conducted the study, had no qualms about analogizing "Internet addiction" with drug addiction.

Speaking to the Associated Press, Greenfield noted that the problem was likely to worsen as modems and access gets faster. Greenfield likened faster access to a drug being shot directly into the bloodstream as the most problematic modality of ingestion. The report, which asked Web users a series of ten questions, modeled on those asked by Gamblers Anonymous to determine whether a respondent has a gambling problem, raised serious issues common to many addictions. "Marriages are being disrupted, kids are getting into trouble, people are committing illegal acts, people are spending too much money," Greenfield said.


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Which brings us to a question. If Internet addiction so closely mirrors addictions to drugs, alcohol and gambling, should we not consider banning the Net? Though its use is growing quickly, surely the Internet has not become so embedded in our culture that it cannot be rooted out? And if even one child can be saved from the horrors of Internet addiction, would it not be worth it?

The Memoirs Logo.E-mail, of course, would have to go, as it is a well- established "gateway" to web use. Certainly, someone who has used e-mail in the past is more than 85 times more likely to move on to the web than someone who has never been exposed to it. E-mail often brings one into direct contact with "links," those little blue lines of text that provide direct access to the web to children and others.

Certainly, there would be an outcry from people claiming "medical use" of the web, but their claims are suspect. Sites hosted by the likes of "Dr." Andrew Weil and others of his ilk, proposing to "help" people live "healthier" lives, have not been proven to do so by the Food and Drug Administration. The American people deserve no less than government approved information when it comes to their well-being. How can we convince our children that the web is evil and addictive while sending a mixed message that for some, the web is actually beneficial? At any rate, it is likely that the hidden agenda of so-called "medical users" is nothing less than the full legalization of the web. We must not let this happen.

People who claim some religious use, or those who are disabled or home-bound and who claim that the world is opened to them by the web, "researchers" who are too lazy (one can only wonder why) to get themselves to a good old fashioned library, all contribute to the mischaracterization of the web as a benign -- even beneficial resource. These people, and the perverse influence that their claims have on our children must be stopped. A line must be drawn in the sand by the decent people of this nation -- parents and teachers, coaches, the clergy and community leaders -- everyone who truly cares about the future of our children and the nation, that there will be zero tolerance for the World Wide Web.

Web use -- despite the most ardent claims of those who would like to rationalize their own addictive lifestyles -- is an activity undertaken primarily for recreational purposes. On the streets, it's called "surfing." The sad results of this addiction can be seen in the bleary, bloodshot eyes, the pale, sallow faces, and the high incidence of emergency room visits for tell-tale maladies like carpal-tunnel syndrome and necks stiff from hours hunching over hypnotic, glowing computer screens.

We must speak the truth! And the truth is that the only real reason that people "surf" is to find escape from the harsh realities of life, so central to our Judeo-Christian value system. But there is still time for us to act. We can save the weak-willed masses of America from the urges that they are unable to contain in themselves. We will help them with the threat of prison, forced treatment, and long mandatory minimum sentences. We will establish the WEA, the Web Enforcement Agency, who will seek out and prosecute the hosts of home pages, purveyors of dependence that they are, and who will find users and punish them appropriately before they have a chance to spread this horrific disease any further.

The web is already taking a heavy toll on our nation. Shocking though it may seem, many Americans can even access the web from their places of employment. These people are putting a heavy drain on our economy and are costing American industry untold billions of dollars per year.

And the problem goes far beyond our shores. Many web sites are hosted in other countries, but they will soon find that there is nowhere to hide. Our efforts will be felt throughout the hemisphere. Extradition treaties will be signed, and foreign governments who fail to cooperate will be faced with the loss of Most Favored Nation trading status. Our own CIA, along with other agencies whose existence we can neither confirm nor deny, are already working on killer viruses that will render web pages useless -- paralyzing the operations of those who would pollute our nation with their "gifs" and "html."

Yes, it is time to wage a War on the Web. Our crusade will move forward in the great American tradition of strict enforcement of the law in the cause of freedom from vice. We will use every means at our disposal, including military force, if need be, to rid our nation of this growing scourge. Stand with me then, my fellow Americans, as we set forth on this most noble mission. Let us allow nothing to stand in our way. God Bless America.



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MEMOIR ONE: The Pinnacle, by FELICITY USSHER

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MEMOIR THREE: Is Microsoft Bothering You, too? by RON DIENER

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