by Stuart Altman

Special to G21

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Stuart Altman

NEW YORK, NEW YORK, USA - A few months ago a friend called me and I told him what a bad day I was having. He then told me my day could not be any worse that his. I went on to tell him all the horrible things that happened to me in court that day and asked him to top it. He said, "I lost a Death Penalty case today."

I guess he got me there. Maybe my day wasn't that bad after all. After talking with him I really started to feel better.

Last week I was having another one of those days where I drive a few hours for a case only to find out it is adjourned when I get there. On the way back I was listening to the radio and they announced there would be a press conference for the possible resignation by New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy. I knew McGreevy was in a lot of hot water lately because a lot of his closest aides had gotten into trouble and it seemed only a matter of time before they would get to him.?

Then according to the federal indictment, a longtime friend and fundraiser for McGreevy was charged with extortion when he promised to enlist state and county officials to resolve a land dispute in return for contributions. To assure the landowner that the governor knew about the deal all parties where given the code word "Machiavellian." In a taped conversation, McGreevy said to the landowner that he understood that he was reading "The Prince" by Machiavelli. ?McGreevey continued tto say this is not a code word and "it is not atypical of me to use literary allusions."

Hey, I ask people I never met what books they're reading all the time. Of course it wasn't a code word. If I had a nickel for everytime people used Machiavellian in a conversation, I'd probably have only a nickel.

So I wanted to listen to this press conference to see if there were any other code words. As I was listening to his press conference, I was thinking: This doesn't sound political at all. Then I heard him say "I am a Gay American" and [make the admission that] he had an extramarital affair. I thought: "Gay American." What is that code word for? Maybe it's code word for "he's gay."

I didn't know what to feel after I heard this. I felt sympathy because it sounded like he was forced to come out . But then I also thought there had to be a lot more behind this and he may have deserved it. It seems like every politician in New Jersey is arrested before they can finish their term. It has reached the point where I think they should have elections every six months because that's about the time the Federal Indictment will come down.?

It turned out the Governor came out because there was going to be a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by his boyfriend Golan Cipel, an Israeli citizen. ?This scandal, I learned, started when McGreevey cited Cipe l's immense qualifications while putting him on the state payroll for New Jersey at a job paying one hundred ten thousand dollars a year. ?What were Mr. Cipels "immense qualifications?" He was a Poet. Imagine, if he was Robert Frost, how much he would have been paid!

Of course the perfect position for him would have been Poet Laureate of New Jersey but this position was eliminated after the last Poet Laureate stated the Jews knocked down the Word Trade Center. (Please see a Former Article about that one). Being that that position was gone they had to figure out something else for him to do.

McGreevy then gave Cipel the job as New Jersey's Homeland Security Advisor. As we all know, "Head Poet" and "Head of Security" are pretty much interchangeable positions.

This makes perfect sense. Let's put someone who is not even a citizen of the country in charge of protecting the safety of the state. The hilarious part is Cipel's Israeli Citizenship prohibited him from receiving a security clearance. So essentially you had someone in charge of giving the p ublic information who was not allowed to receive the information himself.?

This is what had most people outrage d. The Governor of New Jersey would jeopardize their security by putting his unqualified boyfriend in this important position. This would be the equivalent of Bill Clinton naming Monica Lewinsky the Head of the C.I.A. However, in the governor's favor, he can claim he didn't hire Cipel because he was his boyfriend but because he was stupid. After all, McGreevy also happened to hire as the State Police Superintendent a person who had a criminal record. Why not hire Tony Soprano as the Police Superintendent already? At least he lives in New Jersey.

After Cipel resigned from [his post] as the Security director he was given a position as the Governors "Special" Counselor. I guess someone with all his qualifications just couldn't be the Governors "regular" counselor.

In August 2002, after many people started to question his special counseling, Cipel quit the statehouse altogether. He then received a job at the public relations firm MWW which had ties to McGreevy. However MWW didn't like Cipel's IWW ("I wont work") and got rid of him after a month. Apparently Cipel thought the Gov' had set him up with a no-show job -- but no one told the company this. He then went on to State Street Partners which was founded by the best man at McGreevy's wedding but he couldn't even keep that job. How come before I was married my former girlfriends never set me up with positions like this to get rid of me?

After all this, Cipel decided work really wasn't for him and told the Governor he would go away until after the election if he was given twenty million. He then lowered it to five million but what's fifteen million between lovers? With the Governor running out of money and jobs to give Cipel he then called the press conference and announced he was a Gay American. So to all you politicians who want to stay in the closet I have this to say: you should make sure your boyfriends have job skills.

While McGreevey probably brought a lot of this on himself, I still felt bad for him because it's hard to live a lie. I started feeling better about my day because it was nothing compared to his.

I then thought of what could cheer McGreevey up after the day he went through where he had to come out to the world with his wife and child there. Maybe I'll have him call my friend who lost the death penalty case.