by Brad Balfour

G21 Contributing Editor

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NEW YORK, NY, USA - When actor/director Jennifer Elster's PARTICLES OF TRUTH opens this month, she will finally realize both a dream and cleanse herself of the debris from 9/11. A few days before she had planned to begin production on her first feature, 9/11 happened. Elster and husband Lewis Helfer were thrown into turmoil -- especially because they lived down the street from the World Trade Center. While dislocated and despairing due to the tragedy that had just affected them so directly, they persevered and Elster began shooting during the summer of 2002. Once this former stylist to the stars finished her debut, and started entering the film festival circuit, she began receiving critical acclaim. The film had its World Premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival 2003, and continued racking up successes at such festivals as IFP/LA, Woodstock, Ft. Lauderdale and Santa Barbara. In fact it won the Jury Award for Best Feature Film at the Austin Film Festival. Now, four years since she had planned to begin shooting on September 15th, 2001, this film about street-worn, psychologically dislocated New Yorkers will finally get seen by New York at large.

G21: Have you finally recovered from the effect of being so close to Ground Zero?

JENNIFER ELSTER: The trauma of 9/11 has healed, but it's like a bad memory from your childhood, it stays with you for the rest of your life. We went though a lot during that time. We also grew from the experience.

G21: When did you decide you were going to make films?

JENNIFER ELSTER: I had written since I was a child and always wanted to write. Somewhere along the path, I became a fashion stylist and had worked with the likes of David Bowie, other rock stars and celebrities, and had an exciting career. I fine-tuned my own aesthetic during this period. One day, I was on a shoot with an artist that I really respected and had become plainly unhappy. I couldn't take the thought of being on another shoot and not telling the stories I had pent up inside of me. So, finding a balance, I worked with the band Garbage, which was steady and lucrative for over a year and wrote "Particles of Truth" during every spare second. When I was through, I made a couple of shorts, then the feature. I was determined.

G21: Why this story line?

JENNIFER ELSTER: I have a natural propensity to be drawn towards complicated story lines where everyone has a secret. There is something mysterious and fascinating to me about people's personal unveilings and it is an area I am interested in portraying. My next script, A NERVOUS SOCIETY, treads on this same ground, but with older and more sophisticated characters. I think most off people are hiding from their fears of their own insignificance.

G21: What made you decide to be the lead?

JENNIFER ELSTER: Playing Lilli in the story was one of the most challenging things I've ever done. She was required to be so emotionally raw which is the opposite of what you need to be as a director to get it all done. It was tricky flipping back and forth. I wasn't originally going to be in the movie, but then (after seeing two hundred actresses) I had learned the lines and embodied the part. I'm glad that I did it.

G21: Since you play such a troubled character have people thought the she was autobiographical?

JENNIFER ELSTER: A raw and emotional character like Lilli was exhausting to play at times but never traumatic. Being generous with the character and making sure I was alive in the performance meant that I was there in that room with the danger, with the tragedy, with my emotions. It was an exercise in baring myself but there is no personal trauma attached to it.

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G21: For a first film, it had a great look and crisp editing -- wasn't it a bit much to take on all the jobs you did in making this?

JENNIFER ELSTER: It was a lot for one person and at the same time I'm glad I did it. I never imagined I would have taken on as much as I did. I play chicken with myself all the time. When I was a kid, if I was scared to go on the rollercoaster, I would force myself to do it. On this set, I challenged myself and took on so much, but I learned so much in the process. I work hard and pay attention to details. Now I have the knowledge and I get to move on, improve and mature.

G21: What were your illusions about being a filmmaker?

JENNIFER ELSTER: My illusions then aren't any different from what they are now. Like every thing, things take time and development. I'm in a really good head space. I feel incredibly fertile.

G21: What was the hardest part to making this film?

JENNIFER ELSTER: Having big ideas and no money.

G21: How hard was made it get a distributor?

JENNIFER ELSTER: Distribution is a hard business and is even harder when you're learning about the dynamics while seeking one. I was hooked up to the distributor through a friend and it worked out.

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