"Couples' Season" builds slowly. Thanksgiving is when people first bring home their new beaus to be scrutinized by their families --- families whom they normally spend $100 an hour to process about with psychologists. Christmas is full of hand-in-hand socializing, making snow angels late at night, and opening perfect gifts. New Year's Eve demands someone else's lips to be wrapped around your own at midnight. By the time Valentine's Day arrives, couples are all you will see on commericials. Why we don't even celebrate Washington and Lincoln's birthdays separately any more...they had to be hooked up as a couple (President's Day)!

I have experienced some "Couples' Seasons" in a relationship, but I have experienced more as single. And while I enjoy being by myself (as any Control Queen does), I have an increasing desire to be in a relationship again. Because, with all the hype aside, the idea of sharing one's life with someone seems far more satisfying that rolling my pennies by myself every New Year's Eve. I guess I believed all of those M-G-M musicals I watched growing up.

But how does a 40 year old gay man meet potential "husband" material?

There are, of course, the bars. But at this stage in my life, the idea of putting on my cha-cha heels and boogying until 3 a.m. is just not very thrilling. Heck, I have problems staying awake long enough to catch Leno let alone making last call! And why is it that the gay community never goes out until midnight anyway? Don't misunderstand me, I enjoy going out and dancing as much as the next homosexual, but can't we start a couple of hours earlier?

Some people meet through mutual friends. Unfortunately, almost all of my close friends are in relationships. And since couples usually socialize with other couples, they don't know many single men with whom to play cupid. I have even offered them a "finder's fee" for a good prospect!

Some people meet through the personal ads. I recently tried this via the computer. I learned a lot!

For one thing, there are a hell of a lot of married bi men out there! Sorry, but I don't want to be the "other woman" in your life.

There are also quite a few older men (late 40s to 60s) who are interested in guys in their late teens and early 20s. It made me think of all of those stereotypes we have of older heterosexual men looking for women half their age. Its nice to know queer people are just as ageist as queer-challenged people! And just what do these older people talk about to their young protegees? I mean, once they are done having sex, do they talk about mortgages or Metallica?

And just what does "straight acting " and "straight appearing" mean? Does it mean they have had their back bones fused so that they can't bend over? What these people need is a good dictionary so they can look up the term "internalized homophobia!"

The personal ads seem more dedicated to meeting sex partners than life partners. After all, while I may be intrigued by knowing your penis size, whether you are circumcised or not, and just how "bottom" you can be, this is not my idea of romance. Don't get me wrong...I am all in favor of sex! And having sex to simply have sex is fine. But how many people actually are in long-term relationships with people they met through the ads?