G21 CrunchTime
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| The MOTHERS Edition
PREMIERE!:  Introducing CRUNCH-TIME, a new regular feature, Wally WORTS ON SPORTS. We think this one is going to be a hit!
 G21 WORDS: ROD AMIS looks at "Variations on The Theme."
 TRIO: Two types of Religion in America? That's what RAHEEM thinks his Mom taught him. "CHASM"
 PLANETARY MADNESS: Jennifer Blue looks at your upcoming week in the stars.
 LONDON CALLING!: FLISS USSHER talks about four types of mothers whom you may find familiar.
Yet another update of Your VOX POPULI page! Sheesh, you people really love to send E-mail! G21 WORDS: BOB POWERS reminisces about "MOTHERS & OTHERS"
 STONEWALL VIEWS: PHIL MARTIN writes about "LEARNING TO GET ALONG."
HOUSE OF CARDS has a brand new Joke of the Day. DON'T READ ME FIRST! Our Publisher on this week's theme.  BarnesandNoble SEARCH: If you're like us, you like good writing. Use the Barnes and Noble Search Engine page to find great savings on good books, delivered right to your home or office!
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I was on the smaller side as a youth, often picked on, and definitely the last one picked.
In basketball, baseball,football, American soccer, and (worst of all) both kick-ball and dodge-ball, last picked.
Some said I was to slow to dodge the ball and big enough to throw the ball at, so I was never left out of dodge ball, but I was picked last. I became a sports writer. I dropped the Wally and I began to meet women in college. That's another part of my life, that I might share with you some time later. Let's just say when the Women came by the BETA house at EASTERN PENNSLVANIA STATE UNIVERSITY they made sure to see if "WORT WAS IN THE HOUSE". The "WORT" man, as I was referred to by fellow brothers, was never short on a female companion to buy dinner for on those crazy college Saturday nights. Hell, sometimes there would be a whole gang of them and I [would] take them all out and buy them drinks. What fun!
Back to my real passion though, I'm here at my editor's request to talk sports. You got my background so let's go.
This is why I drink in the afternoon, this is why I don't exercise, this is why I take the Sport's Section [of the local newspaper] into the head with me. It's because I can't get enough sports. PICK ON ME NOW YOU PANZY'S.
"WE'RE OFF" Kentucky Derby, great party, poor field. You got to love it, though. The Owner of the Winning Horse, "Real Quiet", promised plenty of "Beer for Everyone". Did he forget he was in Kentucky, the Bourbon capital of the Free World? Do they make Mint Julip's with Coors or Budweiser? As far as the Triple Crown goes, not this year, folks. You'll have three different winners for the big three, none of whom you will be able to name six months from now. Test yourself. Real quiet year and no winners on my tote ticket. Sons of bitches.
NBA - Larry picks up Coach of the Year in his rookie season. The Man is back in the NBA, and -- once again -- he is moving in on Michael's show.
Look for the Pacers to knock off the Knicks an meet the Bull's in the Eastern Division finals. This is where the boys in the press corps, myself included, will have so much gooblie gawk material to work with that Dick Costa will finally have to take a back seat. Dick SHHHUUUUTTTT UUPPPPP! and let the Magic of the moment speak for itself. In silence fool! It's great to see a touch of class back on the hardwood.
Look for Michael to knock off the Pacers an meet anyone from the West, hopefully not UTAH -- we love you Mailman and John Boy, but not again -- and win the title in game seven in CHICAGO.
MICHAEL WILL PICK UP MVP, AND TIM DUCCAN OF THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. Dennis Rodman, the "WORM," not to be confused with the "WORT," will once again pick up the award for best dressed and most rebounds, in that order.
Major League Baseball - I'm getting older, or does every babyface looking kid in this world pick up a glove and stick to baseball? The Last Frontier for the white athlete. That and Beach Volleyball.
By the way, BV is a sport that may be no longer. Word is, from my groupies in Los Angeles, that both Womens' and Mens' Beach Volleyball will lose their sponsors. No more million dollar sponsorship's for "Chip and Karch" or "KIM, KIM, and PAMMY."
Get real jobs and get off the beach. A sickening sport, hell Sport, dodge-ball flashing in my head. Who hates Karch Kilray? I do! Karch is actually a doctor now and he made all his money already, but you get my point, NEVER AGAIN!
Weren't we talking baseball? Two super teams, five or six above average, the majority of them marginal, and some serious cellar dwellers. I hate using someone else's line, well call them "Gutter Scum", that's better.
Cream of the Crop, the Braves and the Yankees, potential World Series match up. And what a Series it would make on the field and in the ratings. You tell me these things aren't planned. Turner's team against the team from New York. Come on people! this world is controlled by a select few, and we weren't invited to that barbeque.
Then you have the Houston Astros, Boston Red Sox, San Francisco Giants, Texas Rangers, Baltimore O's, Cleveland Indians. All very good with something lacking somewhere; most of them it's pitching.
Expansion has made too many teams, and not enough quality pitchers to make up a full rotation on a staff. These teams have one ace, at best, and that won't win you a World Series, maybe not even a pennant.
The marginals? Who cares, they're marginals.
The Gutter Scum: the defending World Champions, the Florida Marlins. Anyone can buy a championship for one year. It'll break your bank if you try to keep it up. With the Marlins, the Arizona Diamondbacks. Baseball was not made to be played in mid-summer in the Arizona desert in a domed, air-conditioned stadium. They deserve to be the worst team in baseball. Arizona should be the place for lesbian artists like the great Georgia O'Keefe and former militant non-tax paying draft dodgers who fly the reb' flag. It's not real baseball, stick to the minors.
This is WORT ON SPORTS, typing off: "Don't forget to flush".
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