COLUMBUS, OHIO - Around this time every year colleges and high schools start churning out gaggles of young people into the "real" world. And what do they get for all of their years of hard work? A silly looking hat and a piece of paper they will either lose or pack away and never look at again (so it might as well be lost). Pictures will be taken around decorated cakes with relatives who were laying 1 to 10 odds that the graduate would end up in prison before this day arrived. Oaths of undying friendship and visitation will be made with great sincerity. Cross pens will be purchased and received in bulk. And the graduates will receive advice. Lots and lots of advice. Most of it is unwanted and intended for "general" audiences. But what about the gay, lesbian and bisexual graduates? Where can they obtain some unsolicited advice? So, with apologies tendered, I humbly offer a few pondering points for the queer class of 1998.
1. Get a job! Luckily, with the economy so strong, finding a job should not be too difficult. But just because a job pays a lot of money does not mean that it is the best one for you. Carefully consider how "open" you can be in your new work environment. What kind of emotional price will you end up paying if you have a job that offers a great salary but doesn't allow you to put a picture of the person you love on your desk? Many a psychiatrist's office has been filled with people who felt like they could not "be themselves" in their work environment.
2. Join some local gay groups/organizations. It is a great way to meet new people and it gets you involved in your community. Choose between the dozens of religious, sports, social, political, and arts organizations that may abound in your community. And if you are moving to a place that does not have much to offer in terms of a gay community...START a group in your new locale. It will help you find a social network and make friends with [people who share] similar interests. Whether ACT-UP, an MCC church, a gay softball team, a social group for people of color, or a lesbian chorus, get involved where you live. Feel free to throw a few extra bucks to some of the national gay organizations, but remember to support your local groups first. After all, the national groups aren't going to be the ones that help you when you get fag bashed, discriminated against while looking for an apartment, or need a referral to a local physician.
3. Don't be afraid to piss people off! No matter what you do, you are going to piss someone off. So get used to it. If you are constantly afraid of what others think, you will never get to develop into your own person. So if you want to hold hands with your lover in a restaurant, vote Republican, protest, or advocate for bathhouses, do it! Don't become one of those people who always criticize without doing anything.
4. Don't trust someone just because they are gay. We really are 10% of everyone: saints, sinners, physicians, prisoners, altruists... and assholes. Judge a person by their inner character, not just their sexual orientation. After all, that is what the whole "gay rights" movement is about. Just because someone is gay does not make him or her your long lost cousin! Likewise, straight people are not the enemy.
5. Get involved in non-gay activities. If you spend all of your time in the "gay ghetto" your view of life becomes skewed. Having straight friends can also give you hope for the future. All of the research indicates that straight people become much more accepting a gay people once they know some. And how are they going to get to know us if we spend all of our time to ourselves throwing a pity-party to which they are not invited? So go out there and join the Junior League, volunteer for Muscular Dystrophy, or teach Sunday school. Don't deny yourself something because you think you might not be accepted.
6. Open yourself up to the diversity of our community. Don't be afraid to get to know some of the drag queens, dykes on bikes, leather boys, people of different colors than your own, and gay fundamentalists who live next door to you. Too frequently we tend to associate only with people like ourselves. And some even ostracize or ridicule those who are different. But we are all in this struggle together no matter what our outward appearances or beliefs. It is always beneficial to get to know the people who are fighting with you.
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