G21 TABLOID HART
CyberMom: Wanted Felon?
And other Talk Around the Trailer Park
by Thomas Hart
G21 Staff Writer
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My Tabloid Hat is off to the Orlando(Fla.) Sentinel. This big city("Home of Disney World") newspaper has two crack investigative journalists --- Joe Kilsheimer and Pedro Ruz Gutierrez --- who have the gumption to admit that they picked up a story not from the great, grey New York Times, not from the Washington Post, not from Newsweek magazine, but from the National Enquirer. You read me right, fellow Sanitation Engineers,the National Enquirer.
In a story Kilsheimer and Gutierrez put out on the wires this past Friday, the two reporters demonstrate that you can find more than ground beef at your local supermarket. These crack investigators found that Thursday, on the National Enquirer website, it was reported that "Elizabeth", the mother of cybercast live-birth child "Baby Sean," could very well be alleged felon Elizabeth Ann Oliver.
The cybercast live-birth of "Baby Sean," pimped out by a group of fat-cat doctors who pooled their lucre to form the American Health Network's web presence, was a huge, world-wide media spectacle. The National Enquirer story reports that "Elizabeth" became an instant celebrity, giving interviews to NBC's "Today Show," "CBS Morning News," and "The NBC Nightly News" after the cyberevent on June 16, 1998. None of these august news organizations saw fit to look into "Elizabeth's" background before going on-air, but the National Enquirer smelled a rat.
G21 TABLOID HART means to look at the anomalies in American culture, the strange and all-too-coincidental interstices of success and destruction. Be here every week as we answer the questions enquiring minds have to ask.
Meanwhile, my new role models, crack investigative journalists Joe Kilsheimer and Pedro Ruz Gutierrez, went so far on Thursday, after reading the Enquirer piece on the web, as to pick up the telephone and contact Seminole county law enforcement officials. Now this is what I call real journalism!
Kilsheimer and Gutierrez quote Seminole [County] Chief Deputy Steve Harriett as saying: "It may be one and the same as the internet mom, but that has not been confirmed at this time."
Then the new Woodward and Bernstein contacted the offices of Orlando-based American Health Network. Their spokeperson, Ginger Adam, told the hard-nosed investigators: "They are such a warm and loving famiy. I can't tell you how many times I said to them last week, `You're such a warm and loving family.'"
Undeterred by the lack of supporting evidence close to home, the two intrepid journalists went on and sent the story out on the wires, even though they could not find substantive corroboration for their main source,
the National Enquirer.
Now do you understand why Orlando is considered such a great newspaper town? What courage!
And they covered their -- ahem! I mean, they got it right. Kilsheimer and Gutierrez close their story with the non-corroborative evidence. The opener meanwhile is a grabber. Listen:
ORLANDO, Fla. - The strange story of cyber mom and her internet baby got even stranger Thursday.
Law enforcement officials said they have arrest warrants for a woman believed to be the mother of the boy born June 16 while thousands watched on the internet.
Doesn't it give you goosebumps!
ITEM #2: Say it ain't so, Little Buddy: Many of you, like me, always wonder "What ever happened to..." (insert the name of one of your favorite celebrities here.) Take, for example, Bob (Maynard G. Krebs from the television program, "Dobie Gillis", and most-spectacularly, Gilligan of "Gilligan's Island") Denver.
Well, while cruising the tabloids, This Writer learned that Bob is spending his golden years high in the mountains of West Virginia. And we do mean high. It seems that thank to "an anonymous tip," authorities in West Virginia learned that "Gilligan" was getting deliveries of prime marijuana through the mail. They intercepted one of these packages and busted our little buddy, now in his sixties. BUT THERE'S MORE! Who do you think was supplying our little buddy with the killer weed? The all-too-serious Professor? Nope. The femme fatale, Ginger? Wrong again! It is alleged in the National Enguirer to be none other than Dawn(Ms. Sweetnes and Cornfed Light "Mary Ann") Wells! Yes, Mary Ann pushed the evil weed on the gullible Gilligan! The horror!
Come back around next week, Sanitation Engineers, to see the latest dish. And remember, it's gonnah take more than a few tornadoes to get rid of the trailer trash!
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TABLOID HART: The talk of the trailer parks of America can be found right here. Enquiring Minds Know the Truth is Out There. This Week: "CyberMom: Wanted Felon?"
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