-> COVER -> TABLOID HART
AUSTIN, TEXAS -
Think about it. Have you ever seen people who rumors stick on like white on rice before these folks? Let alone what we know they actually did?
As Mr. Trailer Trash, I just gottah ask a question: How come these two are just so hard to like?
Now here's what I'm thinking. You remember how ole Hillary invested like a thousand dollars in the stock market and came up with $100,000? I mean, Yo! you have got to be like a danged GENIUS to pull that off. And she did.
Was this some kindah accidental fluke thang? I DON'T THINK SO. Was this based on inside connections? You tell me.
I would love to believe that you or I could pull off that same kindah hat-trick. But can we? You don't have to answer that, Sanitation Engineers. If we could, you wouldn't be reading this column and I wouldn't be writing it. I think you know what I mean.
So down here in the Trailer Park, we are looking at this latest imbroglio of Hill's, where this here book is coming out saying she allegedly called Dollar Bill's campaign manager back in the '70s a "Jew Bastard" and wondering where the fact and the fiction gets separated.
This is Trailer Trash news for sure, and everybody from the New Yawk Times, where Hill needs them Jewish votes to the Washington Post is picking it up. She came out looking haggard saying she would never have uttered such a racial slur. BUT this is the same woman who gave a big hug to Yasser Arafat's wife after that woman said that Israel is totally screwed. Is she playing both ends, in typical Clintonian fashion? I leave that to you and the New Yawk voters to decide...
So when ole Tabloid reads inNewsweek magazine that this woman could be a future President of the United States, I wonder what I'll read about her sexual peccadilloes in the National Enquirer, my newspaper of choice. I know for sure I'll be doing a big horse-laugh as I knock back another brewski.
You see, folks, me and the other folks down her in Bubbaland have to ask ya'll up in the the "upper 47" what you are thinking. Do you really believe that these Arkansas flim-flam artists care about YOU? Don't answer that if it will cause embarassment...
REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all of the trailer trash.
My fellow Sanitation Engineers, your ole pal Tabloid Hart has been developing a theory. I actually think that the Clintons are a national curse upon the United States.
Let me just say this: America has become so strip-malled and advertising dominated that we DESERVE the Clintons. From the Lewinsky scandal to the mystery about Foster's death, we have embraced the Bubbaland equivalent of Scamalot. Bill and Hill.