-> COVER -> TABLOID HART
AUSTIN, TEXAS - From what I been hearin' and readin', this time next week --- when vacations are over, schools open up, and folks go back to work --- the American people are finally gonnah be ready to get as interested in the Presidential election as they are ever gonnah be.
The partisans of Al Bore are havin' shots along with their beers right now because somebody noticed he is actually runnin' for President. All hail Joe Lieberman!
Some of ya'll may remember that I was kindah attitudinal when I got pulled off my regular Trailer Trash beat to cover this here national Presidential election here in the US of A. I mean, come on! I was expecting the Big Snore. But I gottah hand it to my fellow Texican Ross Perot and his Reform Party. They have made this election totally worthwhile.
Just when I was floundering around for something to chew the fat with with my neighbors down here in Austin, Tejas, besides The Rock showing up at the Republicavik National Confab, the ole Reform Party comes through!
In case you ain't heard, my man Pat Buchanan pulled another good one this week. Trailer Trash high-fives all around, ya'll!
As explained in this Los Angeles Times story, little Ms. Ezola claims she had to take the disability money because she was being harassed by Latino students and teachers for being outspoken on the fact that too many Latino illegal immigrants were making it tough as hell to do her job as A HIGH SCHOOL TYPING TEACHER.
Stop laughing!
Okay, so the Perot/Ventura faction of the Reform Party is driving to sue him for the 12 Million in federal matching funds, his running mate is a wingnut or a gulderned flim-flam artist, and Pat Buchanan couldn't steal airtime on most television channels. Hmmn...
Wait! This just in! Ole Pat just heard that Ezola Foster is a member of the John Birch Society.
Can I get a Trailer Trash high-five?!!!?
But this latest thing I got via our publisher makes me think that Jesse may be able to repent his The Donald mistake: Jesse did a joint interview with Ralph about the up-coming Presidential debates. Down here in the trailer park, we think ole Jesse is one stand-up hombre. Check it out.
I was kindah hoping to have some dish on Al & Joe this week, but all I can say is: YAWN. They got what's called a "bounce" from the Democravik convention, but other than that --- well, I guess we have to just wait for the debates, Sanitation Engineers.
REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all of the trailer trash.
Meanwhile, The Smirking Shrub, George Dubya, has gotten back into his old mush-mouthed habit of stepping all over his tongue. Seems the Mouthpiece Media picked up this week, ya'll, what Tabloid Hart has been sayin' all along: This ole boy couldn't talk his way out of a wet paper bag if his life depended on it! You see, Dubya's problem is that there is no brain to transmit words down to this smirking lips.
Here's the dish: Pat thought he had one-up on Al Bore, who picked a Jew as a runnin' mate, by pickin' a Black woman. A danged two-fer! Except it seems that this TOKEN is either a danged welfare-cheat or mentally imbalanced.
JESSE VENTURA SAYS LET RALPH HAVE HIS SAY
Seems like every politician in America pays court to Jesse "The Governor" Ventura these days. I thought Al Bore was gonnah ask Jesse to wear his frat pin there for a while, ya'll.