-> COVER -> TABLOID HART
AUSTIN, TEXAS - As lots of ya'll know, the Hart family hails from Nagadoches, hard-scrabble country where folks tend to be plain-spoken and short on tolerance for B.S. So havin' to deal with the hip-deep B.S. of this political campaign has been a real chore for this ole boy. The Republicaviks are doing the usual tax-cut as Salvation sermonette, the Democraviks can't even make a speech without sayin' how they is gonnah fight-fight-fight for who- or whatever, and then you got Nader and Buchanan/Hagelin as the yappin' dogs on the heels of the Corporate/Soft Money plutocrats. Is it any wonder 115 Million Americans don't vote?
So let's get down to the ripe stories of this here election!
Forgive me if I'm a little confused here, Sanitation Engineers, but from what I understand there are now two Reform Parties. Numero Uno, we got what is now called the Reform Party of the United States of America, and Numero Two-o, we have the Buchanan Reform Party.
I mean, there is no love lost between a Libertarian like me and parsons Pat or Jerry. I think Jerry Falwell just about lost it when he started picking on kids' TV characters like Tinky-Winky. Still --- whatever happened to our national and time-honored tradition of Separation of Church and State?
It just don't seem right to me that liberals can play the religion card and conservatives cain't.
So, for once, you'll find Tabloid Hart agreeing with the Mouthpiece Media: this is pandering, pure and simple.
Sure, Joe Lieberman has always kept his faith as part of his stump speech, I'll give him that. But, come on! You can't have it both ways: if conservatives can't play the religion card, neither should liberals. Talk issues or dirt to me, Baby! Don't tell me the Almighty is on your side. Last I heard, He was on everybody's side 'cause we is all His children, if that's what you believe.
Last time I looked, Sanitation Engineers, energy policy was an important concern of our government officials. How 'bout you? Can you say the words "conflict of interest?" How about these four: "Bought and paid for?"
Yeah, I thought you could.
Don't these guldurn people have ANY shame?
Me, I thought it was bad enough that ole Dubya had his plutocrat friends ponying up to buy 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for him. Now he's got Daddy's gentleman's gentleman giving him a pipeline --- if you will --- into even more plutocrat dollars. I'll act like I'm surprised.
REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all of the trailer trash.
But I'm not the only one confused. From what I understand, in states like Iowa and Montana, they had the Attorney Generals literally pulling a name out of a hat to decide whether ole Pat Buchanan or physicist John Hagelin would appear on their state ballots as the "official" Reform Party presidential candidate, and a judge in Virginia --- one of the many states where these ole boys is suing each other for that $12.6 million in federal funds --- just threw up his hands.
One thing's for danged sure, ya'll: the two Reform Parties are Trailer Trash politics at their best! I personally think that Hagelin and Buchanan should just plan on doing a steel-cage smackdown to figure this mess out.
Old Time Religion
You know, ya'll, you gottah ask yourself something if you been following the trends in 'Murrican politics for a while: Why is it okay for Joe Lieberman and Al Bore to move religion to center stage in this election campaign and screwed up for Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell to have done the same thang?
Dick Cheney's Big Oil Parachute
This stuff is getting harder and harder to keep up with! This week it comes out that Dick Cheney, the Smirking Shrub's running mate, has got like loads of stock options in a Big Oil company called Halliburton. It seems that he became a millionaire many times over working for these folks, and now that he is running for Vice President he has enough of their stock to walk away with A MINIMUM of $20 Million dollars US. A minimum.