G21 - TABLOID HART "Liz Hurley: Dim Bulb"

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The National Enquirer (the United States national newspaper of record) lead reads:
"Pregnant Liz Hurley jetted from London to Los Angeles for a showdown with ex-boyfriend Steve Bing over their baby's future -- only to be cruelly snubbed by the reluctant dad-to-be."
I don't know what y'all think about that, but down here in the trailer park, we have decided that Liz Hurley is a dim bulb.
Let me repeat that: Liz Hurley is a few cards short of a full deck.
Though it's true that it doesn't take a great deal of brain power to become an international celebrity these days and also true that it doesn't take brain power to stand in front of a camera and look pretty; Liz Hurley is the most confounding celebrity Tabloid Hart has ever encountered. Liz Hurley is an "actress" who is not famous for her acting. Liz Hurley is only so famous for three things:

Wearing an outrageously revealing dress before Jennifer Lopez did.
A blow job that some other woman, who just happened to be a streetwalker, gave her then-boyfriend.
Getting pregnant by a new boyfriend who can charitably be called a cad.

Other than these mini-scandals, you, me and nobody down here in the trailer park has any reason to ever think about Liz Hurley. Am I right or am I right?
Meanwhile, according to the National Enquirer, this gives an opening for the ex-boyfriend mentioned in numbero duo above, smiling Hugh Grant. This is one of them rare cases where a former cad can make a comeback by being out-cadded by the current cad, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
This is Hollyweird gossip the way we like it, ain't it, Sanitation Engineers? This one has it all, one hooker, at least one blow job, two freakey boyfriends, pregnancy-foo, trans-continental scandal foo, two breasts, no murders yet, but Tabloid Hart says: Check it out!
Tom's J-Lo Moment of the Week
No, I haven't forgiven J-Lo for going and marrying someone other than her biggest fan in the world, down here in Austin, Tejas.
But I couldn't very well let her first and only live televised concert, from her parent's hometown down in Puerto Rico go without any comment, after all these many years of worshipping her from afar, could I? I didn't think so.
Saw the concert. Loved it. J-Lo is a goddess who can do no wrong. Vavoso!
That is all.
Pity Ohio, Call in Frank Drebin
Man, thangs must be awful durned bad in Ohio. They cain't even get they folks to buy lottery tickets.
Solution? Call in Frank Drebin. Yep, ole Leslie Nielsen, who seems to have more stamina than the Energizer Bunny, is working again. This time he hopes to get them folks in Toledo and Cincy to buy more of that state's lottery tickets before they have to call the whole operation a bust. Ohio says state lottery profits are a wopping $11 Million behind projections for the year. So Nielsen will help separate Buckeye state folks from their dollar bills. Doh!
Still, REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all the trailer trash...
QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? E-mail Tom down in the trailer park. Go ahead!

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