by Thomas Hart

G21 Muckraker

Austin, Republic of Texas - American President -- oops! I meant to say Vice-President -- Dick Cheney came out of his "undisclosed, secure" hidin' place a week ago Wednesday to show his face to us reg'lar folks in San Francisco, y'all. He had the unmitigated gall to say that he'd certainly run for leader of the free world if The Shrub asked him to again. I felt like I was about to gag, fellow Sanitation Engineers.

Let's all just pretend we don't know that Halliburton, while Dick Cheney was CEO, didn't ask us to take a major ass-whupping! Hell, we might as well act like them prisoners down in Huntsville and say "Bend over. Here it comes again!"(BOHICA).

Long as I been writing for this magazine, I never heard our Esteemed Editor do as good a rant as he did last week. He was right on the danged money, as far as Tabloid Hart is concerned, ya'll.

VOTE THE BASTARDS OUT! Right on!

His Fraudulency and unelected President Cheney are taking us into a guldurn fascist nation. Let's not mince words here,y'all. It's true and we all know it.

How you gonnah change the world FOR THE BETTER when you haven't got the Love?

Am I the only one thinkin' this? I don't think so!

His Malignancy and his Administration in Washingtoon are taking us down The Road to Hell and Enron-WorldCom-Conesco are just the tip of the guldurn iceberg floating us rapidly toward Perdition. (Why do you think that Colin Powell looks at that airhead askance?)

But let's get serious for a moment here, Sanitation Engineers. I'm gonnah get out of Gossip Mode for a minute and share with you some FACTS.

The Sarbanes-Oxley bill that The Shrub signed grinning is a piece of crap not worth the paper it is written on. And Tabloid Hart will tell you why. It's a sham and a fraud on all of us down here in the trailer park and everywhere else in the Ew Ess of Ay.

Let me quote Arianna Huffington, whose newsletter my Publisher has subscribed me to:

Although it's being presented as a big win for the public interest, corporate lobbyists actually succeeded in fighting off a whole slew of potential reforms: stock options still don't have to be treated as a business expense, offshore tax havens are still allowed, and there's been no pension fund reform. It's no accident that despite the high-profile arrests no executives from the granddaddy of corporate scandals, the Enron collapse, have been indicted. The simple, though hard-to-believe fact is that none of their mendacious and mercenary maneuverings are clearly illegal -- and nothing in Sarbanes-Oxley changes that.

Get the picture, y'all? Those high-priced whores in Washingtoon are trying -- once again -- to pull the wool over our eyes. They are saying they are fixing the problem and protecting our exposed asses when all they are doing is coverin' they own!!! I'm so mad about this I could become a bomb-thrower.

But, as our Publisher insists, there is still a peaceful solution. VOTE THE BASTARDS OUT.

I read that stuff about our October War, that seems inevitable, last week and I got a chill.

I started talkin' to my brahs down here in Bubbaland and we agreed -- Let's deal with Saddam. But, lookahere, y'all, I gottah agree with Mr. Rod on this one, this is a sham and a fraud to keep The Shrub in office and the Republicrats in power. THIS IS JUST WRONG.

Wrong and inevitable, because we have allowed the Ken Lays and such to perpetrate a palace coup and take over what used to be our government. This is a government of the people like I am a Chinese teenager. If you get my drift, and I know you do.

I don't want to get into a rant here, but let's face it, Sanitation Engineers, our country has been commandeered by unscrupulous corporate interests that don't give a rat's ass whether us working folk live or die. And that's a FACT, too.

There is still hope, though, y'all.

We just got to get our skinny butts in gear and start to fight back. We can take this country back. I really want to believe that. Some days, me and Cleavis and my other brohs down here think that's dang-near impossible. But we can still write durn letters. And we can still vote. It matters. It might get counted as long as we ain't Black and we don't live in Florida.

REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all the trailer trash...

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? E-mail Tom down in the trailer park. Go ahead!

+++ The Previous TABLOID HART +++ THE NEXT TABLOID HART +++