Bruce & Demi in Divorce City

by Thomas Hart

G21 Staff Writer

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AUSTIN, TEXAS - Hey there, Sanitation Engineers!

This week, unlike weeks past, I'm gonna start out with the Celebrity Dish of the Week.

WHY? Because if you're like Tabloid Hart, ya'll probably wanted to stick your finger down your throat every time you saw Bruce Willis(a.k.a. Mr. Die Hard) or Demi Moore(a.k.a. Ms. "Sure, I'll take my clothes off again"-Du Jour) go on all them talk shows and do all them magazine interviews claiming they had a happy marriage.

This is Hollyweird we are talking about, Sanitation Engineers! It's only a matter a time before the quano hits the fan and all the Real Dirt about a marriage like this one comes out.

Anybody with half-a-damned brain knew that Bruce and Demi was only together as a business proposition(by which they did quite well, with Planet Hollywood making them a huge fortune, not to mention the real estate in Beverly Hills and elsewhere) and all the lucrative movie deals they made over the years being the cache couple of the '90s.

So before the ink gets dry on the Divorce City papers, I figure it's time for Tabloid Hart, the King of Trailer Trash gossip and innuendo, to put this here story to rest.

G21 TABLOID HART means to look at the anomalies in American culture, the strange and all-too-coincidental interstices of success and destruction. Be here every week as we answer the questions enquiring minds have to ask.

The Kim Tannahill, Buxom Nanny, Lawsuit

In legal papers filed by Kim Tannahill, the fired nanny of the Willis kids(which you can find at the wonderful site The Smoking Gun, Sanitation Engineers) you'll see stuff about Demi's "paranoid, delusional and abusive" behavior that even my news-source of choice in this trailer park, the National Enquirer, did not snap to until recently. Bookmark Smoking Gun, says Tabloid Hart.

It's reported that Demi knew about Bruce's on-going commitment to dippin' his wick in every available ... well, you know... but thought their marriage could still work out.

BUT, as the National Enquirer points out, she didn't seem to have a problem with developing her own stable of boy-toys like JOHNNY DEPP, LEONARDO DICAPRIO, OR BRAD PITT. And Tabloid Hart doesn't say that she ever *did* anything with these boys, but we hear it's alleged.

Meanwhile, as Tannahill implies in her legal papers, Demi's drug problem made her obsessive and "out of control." Tannahill further asserts that when she was fired by Demi, in 1997, the marriage was already "on the rocks."

The National Enquirer implies that Demi had to axe Kim because she was a potential target for Bruce's rampant libido.

I don't know.

Well, just between you and me, Sanitation Engineers, this is the kind of trash that makes Tabloid Hart leap for joy!

This is Hollyweird at it's finest. A busted marriage, a huge fight over mega-bucks, and another confirmation that we're not the only folks with relationship problems. As soon as Bruce and Demi went public with their Divorce City problems, I felt vindicated and I bet you did, too!

It ain't about nicey-nicey we got a great marriage garbage, it's I-Hired-A-Private-Detective-to-follow-your-ass, Horn-dog.

Southern Baptist Convention to Women: "Shut Up and Sit Down!"

Well it seems that this week the Southern Baptist Convention made a landmark decision. They decided, according the New York Times, a paper I've been castigated for reading on this magazine's VOX POPULI page before, and not your usual Trailer Trash fare, that women need to "submit to their husbands."

Hey, Sanitation Engineers! Not tired of the dish yet? Then ya'll are cordially invited to drop on in, and join, TABLOID HART's TRAILER PARK. We have a chat room, for when all of us is loitering there together. And I especially want ya'll to check the Trailer Park Discussion Area. Have a celebrity you hate? An idea as to what we oughtah do? Come on in!

According to an article by New York Times reporter Rick Bragg, from Raleigh, N.C., this latest move has even upset some Old School Southern Baptish congregations here in the South.

Seems that First Baptist of Raleigh may secede from the Convention over this one because, in effect, it reduces women Baptists back to second-class citizens.

Bragg reports that a spokesperson for the Southern Baptist Convention, one William Merrell, said the declaration is intended to organize Christian families "in a way that reduces the amount of tension and conflict that American families in many cases are characterized by.

"The attitude of the male should be one of sacrificial love, so that, as in the case of Jesus, a husband should be prepared even to die for his wife. The attitude of the child should one of obedience to the parents.

"The attitude of a Christian wife," he said, "should be an attitude of submissiveness, as opposed to argumentativeness, or demand, or attempt at conflict."

Seems pretty clear to Tabloid Hart: If you're a child(by which I suspect, in the Fundamentalist definition, is anyone under age 21) you have NO RIGHTS; if you're a woman: Shut up and Sit Down.

Remember, it will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all the trailer trash.

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