by Thomas Hart

G21 Muckraker

AUSTIN, REPUBLIC OF TEJAS - Down here in the trailer park, especially leading up and during the second Gulf War, we got used to thinkin' of ole Bill O'Reilly of the Faux News Channel as Rupert Murdoch's candidate for Minister of Propaganda. That ole boy just about went off his nut, didn't he? He was claiming Hollyweird actors should be charged with sedition, hardee-har-har, 'cause they didn't agree with the fascist opinion of he and the other warmongering crowd that Faux News hires as cheerleaders for The Shrub.

Me, I just started thinking of O'Reilly as Joseph Goebbels in drag. I mean, fellow Sanitation Engineers, at least Goebbels had the smarts to wear one of them danged Nazi military uniforms when he was spewing his Big Lies. O'Reilly don't have that much class. He claims to represent the average working-class guy, say like he lived down here in BubbaLand, but he dresses the same way he did when all he had to yammer about was the latest entertainment news scoop for "Inside Edition".

Now if Bill O'Reilly really wanted to act like he was an actual working class guy, he'd sit in front of a double-wide trailer in a lawn chair knocking back a brewski like my he-ro Joe Bob Briggs used to do when he had that danged show on The Movie Channel. But no! Bill O'Reilly puts on a suit like he was in the danged U.S. Senate or somethin'. Far as we's concerned down here, anybody goes around in a suit and necktie all the durned time is telling you they steal -- rather than work -- for a living.

Real working people wear cover-alls, blue jeans and t-shirts, or one of them uniform shirts with the white logo of they company stitched in and they name, "CLEAVIS" on a white patch. Am I right or am I right, Sanitation Engineers?

So when I hear that there gas-bag Bill O'Reilly talk about his "No Spin Zone" and what his opinion is of what real Amurricans think, well, I just break out another Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and get ready to either laugh my danged ass off. Either that or run to the toilet and hurl.

The only person who gets me more nauseous is anorexia's new poster child, Anne Coulter. Hey, Anne Baby, go grab a burger! It might send some blood-sugar up to your grey matter so's you can have an original idea for a change.

But let's get back to Bill ("Goebbels in Drag") O'Really for a second, why don't we. Part of the reason I'm on this gas-bag's case, Sanitation Engineers, is that he don't even have the danged cajones to cop to it when folks catch him in one of his guldurn lies -- of which there are too many to chronicle here. You wannah read about O'Reilly's multiple lies, there are plenty of Web sites out there what chronicle them. And what does heroic Mr. No Spin Zone do when people call him on another Big Lie? You guessed it! He pretends it never happened. That 's it. He just walks on like the bluebirds are still singing in the trees and all is right with the world. It's his way of saying, "This show is for entertainment purposes only. Mostly my own personal entertainment and how much I like to hear the sound of my own voice. Anybody who takes anything Bill O'Reilly says as a fact is too stupid to grace with an explanation or a retraction."

At least O'Really and I can agree on one thang, I figger.

What he prob'bly wouldn't agree with me on, Sanitation Engineers, is that I think an abusive (to the "guests" he don't agree with and constantly cuts off when they contradict his blindered worldview) gas-bag is a dangerous individual. Anybody who lies as constantly as this man has got to be pathological. So what does that mean to you and me? That means that Rupert Murdoch is PAYIN' A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR BIG BUCKS TO LIE HIS TAIL OFF EVERY DURNED DAY OF THE WEEK. If that ain't dangerous, Sanitations Engineers, then pigs can fly! It's blood simple.

So this is what Mrs. Hart's fair-haired boy has to say to Bill O'Really: Get a REAL job, gas-bag. Go get your dainty, manicured hands dirty and calloused and find out what real working class Amurricans think for a change. Then come on down in the trailer park and tell us what you learned on the real streets of this country. Until then: Please, shut up!

What's it feel like to be in a real "no spin zone," Billy-boy?

Thank you very much for your time and attention.

[NOTE TO READERS: Feel free to e-mail copies of this article to the gas-bag. It will do him good!]

And REMEMBER: It will take more than a few tornadoes to blow away all the trailer trash...

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? E-mail Tom down in the trailer park. Go ahead!

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