G21 TRIO: A Series of Voices
Trust me. This title will be available from amazon.com any day now. They already carry 50 screens worth of "Complete Idiot's Guide to" books, and over 100 screens worth of books "for Dummies."
"The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting a Teenager" must be one of the most popular titles in these two series, because most of the teeners I see in my neighborhood certainly seem to have been raised by complete idiots -- who probably started their relationships by reading "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating," then the guide to Marriage, and so on.
 TRIO: ROBIN MILLER "G21 FOR DUMMIES..." You have to read it to believe it!
 JENNIFER BLUE's PLANETARY MADNESS looks at YOUR influences!
 CULTURE CAST looks at "THE WATCHERS'' who are part of your life if you live in any major city these days. It must be JENNIFER BLUE night at the G21!.
VOX POPULI, YOUR reader-response page, is open-for-business again this week. In tonight's update, more letters to our newest kid on the block, THOMAS HART!  U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy wants to start *another* Irish-American organization. In IRISH EYES, JOE O'NEILL wonders about motives.
 BARE KNUCKLES: JEFF WINBUSH on professional choices and heroes. Part One of Two.
TRIO: ROD AMIS talks about his personal Guilty Pleasures in "Tina Brown, Lewis Lapham, Susan Sontag, Noam Choamsky, Lynda Sargeant, and Me."
 BOB POWERS mano-a-mano with LARRY SMITH of Working It Out. If you haven't checked POWERSBOOKS yet, it's your loss, Kids!!
TRIO, our thrice-weekly commentary column, features our new Third Coast writer, Austin's own THOMAS HART "GUESTBOOKS ARE LAME
TRIO, our thrice-weekly commentary column, slugs you again. RAHEEM on "CHEERLEADERS!"
G21 COMIX: Bix the Snowboarder - The Legend Continues!  FLISS USSHER's LONDON CALLING! talks about finding the "Common Ground. " Coming This Week: FLISS REPORTS FROM BERLIN!!
You need to use The Message Board HOUSE OF CARDS!" |
Better they should stay home and play chess, another pastime for which complete idiots have their own guide.
Imagine a poor Human Resources person who, after wading through a stack of resumes written by dummies, is forced to interview half-a-dozen complete idiots. I will buy this man or woman a drink after work out of sheer pity.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah," one of the applicant says. "I know all about Unix and C++ and all that, DOS, Windows, QuattroPro for Windows. See, I got all the manuals with me right here. Even one about how to build computers, see?" Then the schlump opens up his briefcase (a bit fumblingly, what with him being a dummy and all) and pours a stack of large yellow-covered paperback books on the interviewer's desk.
There are, naturally, Internet guides available for both Dummies and Complete Idiots. I know this because my limo service's web site draws plenty of responses from them. It's not a great web site, but I think I state rather clearly the services I offer, the kind of vehicle I have, and how much I charge. Take a look for yourself.
Am I right?
Now follow me through this not entirely imaginary phone conversation with a hypothetical kid who wants to hire a limo for her hypothetical high school prom.
Me: Robin's Limousine
Kid: I'm looking at your web site, but it doesn't say what color your limo is.
Me: Yes it does. It's white.
Kid: Oh. Like in the picture. It looks like that?
Me: (supressing a rude comment) Yep. That's it. And that's me standing next to it.
Kid: Oh, you're a guy?
Me: If I'm not, I sure fool the wife pretty well.
Kid: How many people does your limo hold?
Me: Six.
Kid: It doesn't say that here. I bet we could get 10 or 12 in it easy.
Me: No you couldn't. Besides, I'm already booked the night of your prom so you'll have to call someone else.
Kid: But I didn't tell you what night my prom was...
Me: Trust me, whatever night it is, I'm booked. Thank you for calling. (Click!)
Now this kid will tell all her friends I'm not a nice person. If they're as stupid as she is, that's fine by me. There are enough bright teenagers out there, and limousines are in short enough supply during prom season, that I feel no need to put up with a group of dummies -- or complete idiots -- for an entire evening in exchange for a few hundred bucks.
Maybe I should write a book called "Hiring Prom Limos for Dummies." I could sell them all copies of it by mail order, and tell them to call me back after they've read it. By then (since dummies don't read very fast) I really would be booked on all of their prom nights.
Now back to G21, which was once sort of a hip/cool little e-zine that maybe 500 people saw each month, [but] that now reaches more like 100,000, among whom are no doubt plenty of dummies and complete idiots who are completely bamboozled by it.
You guys need a book that will tell you all about this site. A nice yellow book with big pages and big type and little words.
Any G21 readers want to buy a copy? Or at least reserve one? Just tell Rod, our publisher, through the "Shout Out" page, or post your desire to the G21 Bulletin Board --- along with your Visa, Mastercard or Discover card number, and we'll ship you your very own autographed copy of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to G-21 for Dummies" just as soon as I get done writing it.