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The more I think about it, Pimpit is just another example of young white boys in the suburbs co-opting things from Black people and I don't see anyway I can support that and call myself a true player.
I mean look at this picture of some of the punks who want to front like they are into the pimpin' lifestyle! These young white punks don't know shit! I'd like to go up to Tahoe or wherever they was pretendin' to be Macks and kick their narrow white asses into next week!
I don't know one real Mack who would ever be caught in a cheesy baseball cap, let alone hang with some amateur ho's like these boys are tryna profile with. And if these was real Macks, they wouldn't be wearin' those cheap-ass K-Mart/Target vines, now would they? Ya'll hear me Pimpit Fools?!? Can you feel me? Is it real to ya'?
The only thing these fools got going for them anymore is that they still get trailer trash ho's to send them in their pictures for free. It's a good thing they can run those or else their entire site would be a bunch of whack bullshit. Word.
You don't believe me, all you gottah do is check out the Web site put up by my man Ice-T. He ain't mackin' any longer, 'cause he don't have to. But you can still see the effects of The Life in his scene. It's authentic. Not some fake-ass punk shit.
But enough about those Losers. You came here for the Tuna Philosophy. We got bigger deals to look at then those little wienies, don't we?
Apologies
I like to believe that Charlie the Tuna is a big enough man (in every sense) to admit when he was wrong. This is one of those times when I have to do that, as infrequently as they happen.After reading some of the articles here and reflectin' on some of the harsh words exchanged, I have to admit that maybe I was too rash in some of my assessments of my fellow columnists here at the G21. So I'm offering an open apology to Mr. Ed Cantarella and Thomas Hart.
I'm not sayin' that I was wrong in my positions, only that maybe ya'll ain't as lame as I first thought you were.
In fact, as a means of making a piece (joke!) offering, here's a JENNIFER LOPEZ MOMENT from me this week, "Tabloid" Hart. Fair enough?
(Considering you're a married man, Mr. Ed, I'll have to figure something else to do for you. Peace.)
Now that's done, let's get to what you came here for, Losers...
The Tuna Philosophy
Class is back in session.In your last lesson, I gave all of you the 4-1-1 on the history of "civilization" and how it came about through the machinations of those femme fatales who created the domestication of animals and men.
This time I'll give you the follow-up lesson: why women hate other women.
In case you hadn't guessed it yet, Losers, women aren't really dressing or fixing themselves up for us.
Yeah, I know it's supposed to be part of the bait, but it ain't. Women dress the way they do, and fix themselves up like that, to compete with other women.
Think about it! How many men you know have any sense of fashion?
"Uh, none, Charlie."
Exactly!
Our idea of preparation is pulling a t-shirt over our heads after the shower. Plus, you even think they expect us to know a Donna Karen (I ain't even sure I spelled that right) from an Anne Taylor? Heck no!
But you can bet their gal friends do! And that's my point.
Let's face it, Losers: All we care about is that they look clean, their hair is okay, they got a nice bootay and they smell nice. We'll boff any woman that's breathin' and don't look like Aunt Bea. Am I right?
That fashion stuff is the last thing on our minds. We want them out of their clothes!
You see where your Sex Schoolmaster is going with this, right? After they put the ring through your nose, Harold, don't let them make you spend all your hard-earned paycheck on clothes and such ONLY TO IMPRESS THEIR GAL FRIENDS. It's a waste!
Besides, should you have to kick the frail to the curb, how you gonnah recoup that?
According to the Tuna Philosophy people should live in places where they don't need clothes and all women should be required to go naked.
Until next time, Losers:
Stay Hard.