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This week I'm gonnah take a page from my old friend and G21 alumnus JEFF WINBUSH of the Vanessa del Rio get fame. Jeff used to like to spice up these pages by reporting on the ins-and-outs (so to speak) of the porn industry. An interesting obsession, if you're of a TunaMan like mind.
In case you missed it, porn star Devinn Lane (pictured here) has just produced a new series for the Playboy Channel called "7 Lives Xposed." Devinn's real happy about it, but it seems her former roommate, a guy in LalaLand, El Lay, named Jeremy ain't. So he put up this Web site called icaughtthebitch.com to diss Devinn for havin' fake hooters.
In order to defend her "honor" -- (Okay) -- Devinn went to probably the richest woman on the Internet, the inimitable Danni Ashe to seek her assistance in putting up a response Web site to Jeremy's. Devinn Lane's response site is called Fake Boobs, Big Deal.com.
When you go to Devinn's site, you get the chance to view a personal video message from the aggrieved porn starlet --- and another look at her rack.
Charlie the Tuna only has one thing to say about Dev's site: "Devinn, Baby, I know you wanted another chance to show off your expensive wares, but you should've used a Spokesmodel!
"I don't know what most of your fans are sayin', but for ole Charlie you come off like just another El Lay airhead makin' a mountain outtah of a limp weenie. ALL publicity is NOT necessarily GOOD publicity, Babe. And this feud between you and Jeremy is a HUGE YAWN.
"Thanks for the hooter shot, though."
IN OTHER X-NEWS
You gottah figure that when you write a column like mine, called "The Sex Column," --- besides hate mail from playahaters, wannabe pimps who you've exposed as punk-asses and feminazis --- you get some very radical stuff in your e-mail box. I got a tip on an Aussie operation this week that I know all fans of the Tuna Philosophy are gonnah like. Here it is (my comments at the time are in italics) :As a fellow professional [Never admit it, fool! You lookin' to get nicked?] , you will find great interest in the marketing concept of this companyThey have superior approach to a market that certainly has its detractors. [Only televangelists while they are on the air and other fake moralists.]
View their website at www.missfleiss.com.au and note how they market their product and why they are so successful. [GASP!!! CHOKE!! $6,000 an hour?!? Are these American dollars we're talking about! What? Is hers made out of solid gold or somethin'?]Or call (02) 93103011 and listen to their Telemarketing .
Please also note their magazine Highrollers Magazine listed in the top three travel sites at www.top50.com.au www.highrollersmagazine.com.au [YOU may call them "highrollers," but Charlie the Tuna calls them the world's most desperate losers! And probably some of it's dumbest suckers to boot. Tell me somethin': is it really so hard to get good trim in Australia that guys are willing to fork out the downpayment on a house for a couple hours of "escort" service?]
I look forward to your comments. [Bet you're sorry you said that now.] Please note the Gay market used the disposable income concept to Advertisers to attract Corporate Advertising. This company Miss Fleiss uses same concept to the heterosexual market.
Very well done. They are marketing to a very class conscious market. [Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it.]
More of THE TUNA PHILOSOPHY
I know many of you readers have been waitin' for my next update of the Tuna Marriage Manual. Believe me, it's comin'. I'll absolutely have it for you at my next at-bat. But this week, because of space limitations, I thought it better to give you horn-dogs another short page from the Tuna Philosophy. Our topic: Adrenalin Freaks.
There is no woman harder to deal with, my friends, than the Adrenalin Freak (AF). The AF is the kind of woman who can't go for too long without some kindah major rush, some burst of elation and excitement. And if that ain't bad enough, she is invariably on a roller-coaster ride. That's right, guys, what goes UP must come DOWN. The ugly side of the AF is that she always gets too high on whatever her current target is, be it religion, some celebrity on a book tour, or a new guy who comes along who she decides is much more (exciting, soulful, intelligent -- take your pick) than you and her real and true "soul mate."
Now what happens with the AF is that once she figures out that her target requires something from her -- attending services every darned Sunday, actually having to go through the tedium of buying and reading the book, givin' up some nookie -- she gets upset, disillusioned with the ideal that produced her adrenalin rush. That's when the roller coaster starts going down, down, down and waiting there at the bottom, if you've decided to hook up with an AF type chick, is dopey old you waiting for her. A paroxym of tears follows as she begs you to take her back. How could she have been so wrong?
That's when you, Bucko, are faced with a decision. Sure, you could pick up the pieces and place yourself in line for matyrdom, knighthood, whatever you wannah call it. OR you could ask yourself the Tuna Question: "WHAT would a Man do?"
After all, she wasn't that much fun anyway.
Until next time: Stay Hard.
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