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HUNTING SEASON
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San Francisco, CA, USA - I understand from our Editor that a lot of you students been askin', "Where is Charlie? When will he be back?" Glad you missed me! So's I'm gonnah do two things in this outing. First, I'm gonnah have to give another lecture about our Editor's continual whining about his Lack of A Love Life and try to help him get a clue. Second, I'll share with you what I've learned about the new look of the hot whore houses down in Mexico.That's where The Mack has been. Welcome to Tiajuana. Now drop your pants, Big Boy.
Open Letter to Rod Amis: Get A Clue
Dear Rod,While some of your readers might find you maudlin and angst-ridden tales of how you can't connect with a frail "soulful", frankly, milquetoast, they are startin' to bore me to tears! I'll tell you why: even Hitler had a girlfriend!
It just ain't that hard, unless you are picky beyond belief or just a damned coward. Repeat after Charlie: "Hey, Baby, I'd love for you to come over here and sit on my face."
Sure, you'll get slapped a few times, but you'll also score a lot more than using your Biorhythm Method of seduction, pal.
Fact is, women like it when a man can be direct, even a little crude, and let them know he wants them. Not next week, not after a long and romantic courtship, mister, but RIGHT NOW!
In other words, women are flattered when you let them know that they are so HOT that you can't control yourself, just seein' them gives you a woodie and makes you want to tear they clothes off immediately and have wild monkey sex. You gottah jump their bones RIGHT NOW.
An frankly, Boss, that's what I see as your major problem. You are so busy philosophizing about having a girlfriend that you don't act on the impulse. There's a reason it's called the Biological Imperative, Little Rod.
But I figure it's been so long for you you just don't remember what that reason is anymore.
You observe life, Rod -- damn well, sometimes -- but you ain't livin' it anymore, Baby!
A Real Man -- case in point, Charlie the Tuna -- wouldn't be as worried about the frails liking him as he was about them givin' him some Good Lovin'.
That's why I was down in Tiajuana, pal, and you weren't.
'Nuff said.
Border Action
In answer to the questions, "Where is Charlie? When will he be back?" here are your answers:Fellahs, I gottah tell ya', the Mexicans have new variation on an old thang goin' on that you gottah check out if you live in any of the border states. Their whore houses are now World Class. I mean it!
- Tiajuana
- Right now!
They got Babes down there that put your Playboy models to shame. Hell, some of these dames look like they should be models. And they'll put you through the many paces of the sign of the double aardvark in ways you have only dreamed about until now, guys! And for a reasonable price at that.
This here has gottah be the best thing that has come out of NAFTA thus far, as far as Charlie is concerned.
Charlie went down there with a couple of his buds and had the time of my life. I'll be headin' back at my first opportunity.
I see the usual bozo at the back of the room waving his hand to be recognized again.
"But, Charlie, ain't it whores you're talking about here? Givin' women money for sex?"Well, Webster, here's a challenge for you: Name one time where, in one way or another, you haven't given a woman money for sex? Was that there movie ticket cost-free? How much did dinner at that chi-chi restaurant set you back, buddy? I rest my case.
Which leads us quite nicely into the reason you all come here, Gentlemen,
The Tuna Philosophy
In this class, Gentlemen, we'll look at some simple strategies for handling your Controlling Woman. I come up with this class for all the whipped guys in the classroom.Class dismissed.
- Learn to be sneaky. Now's you've put yourself in the position where all your friends joke about you behind your back - "Oh, Lemuel? He can't come out with us to the strip club tonight. Mama won't let him. He's whipped" - the only way to regain any level of self-esteem is to be sneakily subversive. Find ways to make her believe you're going along with her dictates, while actually manipulating her into giving you a little more freedom.
For instance, make her think that it will help her social status -- not give you some time on your lonesome -- if she joins that bridge club.
- If it's something you like to do, act like you hate it.. Your Controlling Frail likes to think she's "trained" you, Webster, and you can't do anything without her approval and permission. So find ways to make out like you hate to do something you'd really the love the chance to do without her. She'll leap at the chance to order you into that "misery". Works like a charm.
- Finally: Rent a copy of the movie "Gaslight".. You'll thank me for this one.
Stay Hard.
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