MAIN EVENT. A Good Place to Get Started --- a.k.a "Table of Contents"
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MAIN EVENT. A Good Place to Get Started --- a.k.a "Table of Contents" |
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I'll tell you, Losers: Too many people in America is not gettin' any!
Now you know I ain't lying. No matter what them car commercials and deodorant ads want to make you think, there ain't enough f**kin' goin' on in this country.
And I'm going to tell you why.
That first couplah years you with that Babe, it's rokin' and strokin' --- But after that, it's like you damned-near married.
Married people gettin' any? NO.
The Showtime cable network figured that out and realized that married men was the Kings of Soft-porn years ago! I saw that ten years back when I was in my twenty-somethin' years!
Married men love Showtime because THEY AIN'T GETTIN' ANY!
Why has Charlie the Tuna been married four damned times? Because he needed to kick his last broad to the curb, each time, to make sure he was still gettin' any!
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Single people: Ain't getting any.
If they was, they wouldn't be drinking all them beers at the new-fangled Brew Pubs and trying to look Fly.
People been married for two years, it ends up "Once a week whether I need it or not." You know I'm right.
Single folks, you get a great one night stand now and again if you lucky. But how many nights you spent going home on a date with Rosy Palm or Mr. Good Vibrator?
Don't even try to lie to me.
And why is this happening, America? AS SEEN ON TV, you just don't know how to let your hair down and drop into the Tuna Zone: Get Ready for The Nasty.
But I can help you.
I want to.
The absolute first thang you gottah do is realize that YOU WANT IT. Guess what? We all do.
Numero Duo: Ask for what you want. Don't be afraid. You might be surprised how many folks of the opposite sex been waitng for the question.
LAST: Don't be the poser. BE YOURSELF. You won't regret it. Somebody has been looking for you for a real long time.
Now close the door. Lock it. Get nasty.
Are you getting my drift here? Everybody in America is PRETENDING that they are getting it on, dressing like they want to get it on, reading about what is the best way to get it on --- MEANWHILE in France they humpin' like minks!
What I'm tryna tell ya'll is this: Don't TALK, THINK , FANTASIZE about it - DO IT!
DO IT AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN!
Charlie's third ex-wife claimed that I was over-sexed. Let me tell you something:
In the US of A it is impossible to be over-sexed.You got the damned Protestant Christians telling you that fornication is a sin; you got the Catholic Christians telling you not to fornicate for fun, only to make babies; you got the Muslims sayin' that all sex is bad because women is just damned evil; I won't even go to the Jews, 'cause the last I heard they think they is the only folks who should be f**king; Buddhists don't do it, do they?
Here it is. All I know is that I never thought I'd see Lara Croft that way, though I had wanted to.
And I don't think that the Goofy Picture page really does show Why the Titanic Sank: Laughing Lynx.
As always: Stay hard.
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